Just Hanging Out With My Head in My Hands
Sometimes life isn't fair. Not that I am bothered by that. I find some sort of sweetness in it actually. The sweetness took me years to find at a toll that was way to costly. I started having signs of panic disorder when I was a very tout person. In grade school I thought everyone had bodies that hurt all the time. I learner to chew asprins because I couldn't quite swallow them in first grade. As I grew I needed glasses. I had headaches even with glasses.
By the time I got to college I was falling apart. After twenty-five years of trying to find out what was wrong with me the pieces started falling onto place. Basilar arterial migraines with aura's and pain and long periods of being in fuge state (which for me is like a complex partial seizure) made sense. Now I needed to find out about my body and my depressionand panic.
Fifteen years, thousands of dollars, and buckets of tears later I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and Sjogrens disorder. Soon after I was diagnosed with major depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.
Currently I am disabled and on disability. I can't drive because the tube state /seizures happen without warning now. I have migraines fifteen of thirty days per month.
The one lesson I am learning in all of this is that I have to allow others to help me. My career was as a non profit exec. And I am used to fighting and scratching to make sure others are taken care of. My husband is my lifeline. He is One I could replicate for womanhood of my Fibro friends.
Many days, it is allies can do - to hold my head in my hands - and this may sound silly but I am grateful for those days. They make the non headache days so sweet.
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