I just want it to Stop

Don’t get me wrong – I love life. I love MY life. I’m happy with who I am and what I’ve done with myself. But I do suffer the almost daily occurrence of Migraine, and have since I was about 10 years old. It’s been my constant companion throughout well over ¾ of my life.

For the most part, the bad days bearable: you make subtle adjustments, take time off when you need it, and get by well enough. The good days in between make up for it. But every once in a while, you get hit with a doozy. One that really, truly hurts. I mean, hurts so bad time itself ceases to exist, and all there is – is pain.

I can remember one time I was at work when it hit. I was standing outside on the street corner wishing I had an ax so that I could cut my foot off. I figured the pain from that would stop the pain in my head. I’m fairly certain that if somebody had, at that very moment, handed me an actual ax – I would have done it.

Another time, I found myself on the floor in the bathroom of my house. I was propped up in the corner, near the toilet, in the middle of a bout of nausea & vomiting. I knew exactly how many pills I had in the house – down to the smallest grain of powder at the bottom of the container – and if I could have gotten up to go get them, I would have taken everything I had – just to stop the pain. Except that I couldn’t move or I’d start throwing up again. If I held perfectly still – no movement at all, not even a breath – I could stop the spasms.