Keep on fighting

I started to get migraines when I was 8 years old. I remember my mom putting me in a dark room, giving me some Advil and checking on me every few hours. She never said a word, but I would hear her sneak in. She would put another cold compress on my head and just sit and hold my hand. I usually could tell the migraine was getting better after I vomited for the 2nd or third time.

My migraines were for a long time only about once a month. I was lucky. I would take 800mg of ibuprofen, lay down and sleep it off in a day or two. If it ever got too bad, I would end up in the ER, get some fluids, ask for some Toradal and I would be back on my feet in no time.

That all changed about a year and half ago.

I was sitting at a desk and felt one coming on. Nausea always set in first. Then the pressure behind my eyes and then, boom, full blown migraine. I took my regular dose of Advil and waited for it to kick in. Nothing. 5 hours later I took another dose and still, nothing. I stayed in bed for about two days until I finally headed to the ER. I asked for the Toradol as I usually do and then something unexpected happen.
It didn't work. Didn't even touch the pain. When the Doctor came back in, he asked how I was feeling. I told him I was fine and he sent me home. The next few days were unbearable. The constant vomiting, the dizziness, the frustration, the vertigo, the constant pounding in my head. I couldn't eat or drink. When I did, I feared it wouldn't stay down for long. I knew something was wrong and I couldn't figure out what was happening. On around my 6th or 7th day, we went back to the hospital and I was lucky to have a doctor who didn't accuse me of the just being some drug seeker. He wanted to give me some dialudid and some other medication to get me to 'break the cycle'. When I told him I really didn't like pain meds, he said. "You're sick and I know you're not a drug seeker. You need to break this cycle". I cried. I couldn't be believe that I was having to give into narcotics in order to relieve this. My husband looked at me with concern and told me that we were going to fix this. The nurse put the dialudid into my IV and I slept for 2 hours. I woke up and the relief was great, but my heart sank knowing that my migraines had drastically changed and I feared they would continue this way and they did.

I have been suffering for over a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster. I'm currently going to my 3rd neurologist in hopes of trying Botox to get some relief. I still can't stand the fact that I have to take medications to control all this. I've been on daily preventive meds, abortive meds, natural meds, massages, drinks, shakes, vitamins, you name I pretty much have tried it.

My family is understanding, but they feel helpless. I've always been an 'on the go'' type of person and I still am. I work, volunteer at my sons baseball league and am a full time student. I refuse to let these migraines get the best of me. But it's hard. There are days I can barely get out of bed and I sit and cry over the frustration of not being able to go more than a few days without being sick.

My husband is amazing and my 9 year old has adapted so well and it breaks my heart that he's the one taking care of me when I'm ill. He knows when I have a migraine, he comes over and checks on me and brings me a glass of water and makes sure that all lights and anything noisy is turned off. No 9 year old should have to be taking care of his mom when she is sick. I should be taking care of him. That's the most frustrating part.

I have missed out on things and time with him because I'm in bed trying to recover. I make the best of it. When I have good days, my husband KNOWS we will have a full, fun packed day of family events because I don't know when the next time I will feel 100%.

I am determined to get back to my old self again. I'm determined to not let these migraines define me. I will not stop doing the things I love and let this take over my life. I have just started to become more open about having migraines because I didn't want any sympathy from anyone. But it's not about sympathy anymore. It's about making people aware of this. It's about letting people know they are not alone. It's about letting people know that even though half the time I am down and out because of these Migraines, I am still a very positive person and I refuse sink.

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