Lonely Suffering

My wife asked me last night: Why you are wearing sunglasses at night? I took a deep breath then said: it is because of lights flashes! It would be clearer if I removed them but one big flash light can make my sight goes for a while .it is a big risk!

I think this describes briefly difference in understanding that usually happens between migraineurs and others. It is a long marathon of explaining and understanding. I started recognizing migraine attacks as diagnosed by a physician when I was around thirty years old. Before that it was to me those dark periods of the year with no similarities of any headache my relatives used to have. I used to refuse taking “Panadol” (a famous pain killer at my community) and believe that resting is the best cure. Ending my 37th year now I still resist “Panadol”.
sometimes I can easily relate my suffering to child emotional abuse and neglect from my parents who spend more than 25 years fighting, escaping home for work, end up divorced and remarrying (both of them) using my personal help.

I am now a father of three amazing souls (two sons and one daughter) and I am trying to live more quite life with my lovely wife, Huda.

My physician told me about turning lights off whenever possible and stay away from noises but he never discussed child abuse with me. I feel lonely sometimes specially when I think about my health general condition which includes a sensitivity of digesting lactose and nail deformation in addition to nervous colon and migraine which reminds me about itself whenever I get an impression that it has gone forever. On the other hand, I try to find a better meaning for my life facing these issues. I think having continuous suffering can help me to treasure my time on this Earth and try to consider other’s pains and sorrows which put me in a better level of communication with them as another human with no labels.

I like my wife’s understanding and her appreciation of my fight and hope to show our love journey as a good examples for our kids to follow.
Fahad (Tanweer)

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