Missing my Son's Performance

Dear fellow migranuers...

My 5 year old son Benji, if he gets the nerve up, will be performing in a winter performance with his Kindergarten class in under an hour. And I am in bed, in the same spot I have been for many hours, ice pack to my head. I so wished I would be able to make it, but the evenings are generally when my head starts hurting; today it started really early, at 11:30 am.

I have chronic daily migraines, as many of you do. My life over the past 6 months has become very small and limited. I am very grateful for my smartphone- it sounds stupid but the sound can be off, I can have the background lighting on low, and I can connect to people without having to talk to them, read articles, and not feel as isolated as I otherwise would.
I also am triggered by my menstrual cycle. Now before anyone says anything- I am one of those freak of nature women - Not having a period- like the hormonal IUD doesn't work for me, let's just say my body doesn't like IUDs and I've tried everything else. So I deal with my hormonal time.

I'm not working now because of my migraines. It's just not possible. I am trying to start applying for disability but I hear it's very hard....

My husband is supportive of me. He is working but money is definitely a struggle.

Sometimes I feel so guilty for being how I am. I was always an overachiever, and my parents were always very proud of me. Great grades, good college, Masters degree in teaching, with a special education endorsement. They all thought I was going to go somewhere. And now I have nothing to show for it. Just a enormous amount of student loans. I taught for a year, got married and pregnant, and taught for two more. And now my migraines are so bad I can't teach or work.

I get annoyed when I get emails "21 natural things you can do to prevent headaches" which I just got today from my well intentioned mother in law. It was from msnbc.com and was the basic things even my 5 year old would know them! For instance, stay hydrated. It's hard... People are frustrated and they want to help. But I guess I feel like "Do they all think I'm an idiot?!!"

I've lost friends who I thought were very close friends because they didn't agree with me seeing a Western medicine doctor. You learn who your real people are when times are tough.

Thanks to anyone who has read through this rambling vent. Just having a hard night....
I am so grateful for this website. And all your entries.


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