My LONG struggle with Chronic Migraines

Hello, I am a 40 year old female and had my first migraine around 13 years. Sadly my mother was the one who brought me to doctors, neurologists, etc. But sadly she passed when I was only 16, and she suffered horribly for years so the last thing on my mind was getting all my medical history. So I can only relay my history after 16 years old. I literally have been on every preventative med out there, and also many kinds of abortive meds, either a narcotic pain med, my Imitrex shots, and numerous treatments which at the time were only experimental not sure if it could help migraines. I have had Botox before this new and more specific formula they approved now for only chronic migraines. I go 4 times a year and was advised that both the preventative and Botox were no guarantee that they would lessen the amount of migraines I get now, which on average is 3 times a week, or the same migraine for a week straight. When I first had Botox it was popular for women and their wrinkles so this doctor tried his best to inject me in places that might be related to where my migraine pain was mainly from. After monthly visits 5 months later it was concluded that for now Botox is not the treatment I need. I have had an occipital stimulator placed under my scalp, I have spent 2 months straight in Jefferson Migraine Hospital in Philadelphia and since I live in Connecticut and again this was an experimental treatment I had to stay in-patient to monitor me the whole time. Back then I had a constant 24/7 IV pump that contained DHE and Lidocaine. It was beyond depressing to not see my family but twice in that 2 month period but on the floor I was on had nothing to do except lie in bed and pray it helps. Long story short I returned home not even slightly better. I have been to a chiropractor, did acupuncture, trigger point injections in my neck which is always very twisted, I did bio-feedback, saw a “pain” therapist which again was a major waste of mine and their time. Also again been through doctors that would prescribe pain medication along with preventative and Imitrex injections, which are a God send for me, but I had CT scans, they saw an “orbital” round something or other, but nothing bad enough to require emergency care. I also had numerous MRIs again with nothing clear for immediate treatment. Now, I know that I will never be “cured” from my migraines, but I would be thrilled if I only got one attack per week. Right now I am disability from a job I loved and was quickly on the ladder to keep moving up and then the migraines had taken over my life and I had to quit and sadly go on disability. I know there are many people out there that don’t agree that migraines could cause such problems in your life that you can no longer work, BUT, I also have missed more family get-togethers, my own daughters activities, I hardly function at all at this point, and my mental state thru all of this is that yes I have always had a history of major depression and anxiety, but between meds and therapy and at times numerous in-patient psych wards, but in the last few years I have all but cut off the entire world. I lost many friends, my husband is so sick of working 50 hours a week since my disability amount is a joke, but once his work day is done, he then must turn into “care giver” role and for intents and purposes he is a single parent. If he would leave me, which he wants to, I would be in dire straights. I have almost succeeded over 5 suicide attempts including the most recent one in October 2014, and my daughter was the one who found me on the floor, laying in my own vomit, couldn’t communicate, or move from the floor I had fell off my bed. I ended up in ICU intubated or whatever the term is for having the tube down your throat, my liver and kidneys had become so toxic that I actually had to have serious meds, over 6 huge bags to hopefully keep my organs going. It was one of the worst times in my life, since my daughter is only 11 and I put her thru this, I have done so much damage to anyone in my life, but more so my husband and child. I just wanted the pain, hopelessness that I will never feel better physically or mentally, so in my warped state I at the time thought I was doing everyone, and myself, a favor by ridding everyone of my misery and the misery I have caused them. I have said over and over to anyone who would listen, that if my situation was just chronic migraines, then I could totally do everything and anything to get better. But not only did I have a pretty serious mental illness forever, migraines can intensify my depression to an extreme that I could only handle one of these issues, either have mental illness which can be manageable or chronic migraines, again which could be managed. But having so many bad cards sent my way, I just don’t know how to fight back for the life I once had. Well thank-you for letting me vent and thanks to anyone who will take a long time to even read this, but anything I would be grateful for. malissa

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