No relief, ready to give up

I have been suffering from chronic migraines for about 6 years now. It started when I suffered a head injury from an altercation with my ex husband. I got vertigo around the same time. I have been to numerous neurologists and have been to the emergency room, 15 times in the past 6 months alone. I have basically given up hope in finding relief. I’m a 32 year old mother of two kids, and bless their hearts, they try to bare with me through this. My husband is very supportive and understanding. I just don’t know what else to do. My current neurologist, said there’s nothing else she can do. So, I’m basically hopeless. Sincerely, Elizabeth.

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Comments

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  • Lydia
    4 years ago

    I know you feel like giving up – I’ve been there too
    after being diagnosed with migraine in 1984 and then mine became intractable in 1993 while my mother was dying from cancer and we had a cancer scare with our then 4 year old son that lasted 6 months. I have felt
    like giving up too – YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It shows you
    are stronger than you realize that you keep hanging in
    there for your children and your husband. I cry when I
    am in pain and get angry. I am a 2 time breast cancer
    survivor. My husband is a cancer survivor. We’ve been
    through it all. My only advice is to just try to take
    one half day at a time/one hour at a time. If it wasn’t
    for having my son I probably wouldn’t be here right now.
    He needed me and still does even though he is now 25.
    That is my inspiration to get out of bed every day. I’m
    writing now at 1:35 am est because the pain is so bad
    I can’t sleep – I totally understand how you feel. Just
    keep trying to find the right doctor that can help you.
    That will happen and one day you will have better days
    ahead – even if they are only brief moments. May I suggest you go to a headache clinic for admission so that you may be better treated – there is one in Anne
    Arbor Michigan and I believe there is one in Chicago –
    You are in my thoughts and prayers – never give up. I
    haven’t so far myself and it is pretty hard not to give
    up. Take care and keep us all posted as to how you are
    doing – you are cared about more than you know. Lydia
    I have heard of the Diamond Headache Clinic.

  • Kerrie Smyres moderator
    4 years ago

    Elizabeth,

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling hopeless right now. I know that feeling all too well — it is a heartwrenching, horrible place to be. I’m the Kerrie that Lisa mentioned in her comment. I, too, have wanted to give up many times. I am so glad I didn’t. I had one small improvement, then another, then another until I went from disabled by migraine to feeling like I have a mostly normal life.

    Your story reminded me of the last time I wanted to give up because of migraine. What I wrote on my blog right after that might give you some comfort:

    “’People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong too long.’ The National Headache Foundation posted that on Facebook last week, right when I was wondering how much more I could possibly endure. I’d had five weeks of nearly perpetual migraine and I was well beyond the end of my wits.

    “Sunday night I had an epic crying session. I wanted out of this body, this cage. I was tired of having to fight to do the smallest tasks, like eating or showering. I didn’t want be sick anymore. I howled and shook with frustration and fear for hours. My sweet husband held me and told me that even if I was too exhausted to fight, he was not. He told me not to underestimate my own strength. He told me that even if my life is harder than it has any right to be, it is a life worth living. With his kind words and solid grasp, Hart reignited my courage and determination.”

    Three years later, I can say he was absolutely right.

    You are carrying an unbelievably heavy burden. Wondering how much longer you can do it is totally normal. Please hang in there. I am so glad that you have a supportive family — try to let them help you shoulder the weight.

    I’m glad you’re seeing a new doctor, too. Tammy shared some great advice for ensuring you get the best possible care even without seeing a headache specialist: http://migraine.com/blog/shortage-headache-specialists-worse-states/. I’ll add that anytime a doctor tells someone with migraine that there’s no other treatment, it’s not because the patient is untreatable, but that the doctor has reached _their_ limits. There are so many possible treatments for migraine, there’s always something else to try.

    You are in my thoughts. Let us know if we can help in any other way.

    Take care,
    Kerrie

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator
    4 years ago

    Hi Elizabeth,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for how you are feeling and what you are dealing with. I used to have chronic migraines and I understand that feeling of hopelessness. First there was the feeling of denial, and then reality sets in and you realize this could be your life for who knows how long. I used to cry at my neurologist visits (which only made the pain worse!). I was too scared to ask “When is this going to end?” I somehow was able to get better, and I’ve seen through my years in working with people with chronic migraines that people can get better. Sometimes it takes thinking out of the box or finding the right doctor.

    I will share with you a few stories:

    Kerrie has had chronic migraines since she was 11. By figuring out a food trigger she is now feeling better with her migraines more treatable:
    http://migraine.com/blog/the-migraine-food-trigger-youve-probably-never-heard-of/

    A friend of mine in the community had chronic migraines for 10 years until he found he had a disease called Cushings Disease, he had surgery, and he now gets the occasional migraine.

    A woman had daily aura which was impeding her functioning and found help through alternative medicine and the right doctor:
    http://migraine.com/blog/meet-migraine-super-hero-punk-rocker-persistent-migraine-aura/comments/#comments

    One thing that I want to ask you is if any of the neurologists you’ve seen are headache specialists? If not then that could be another thing to try. They are really best equipped to treat chronic or severe cases. Here is a link to finding a headache specialist: http://migraine.com/blog/looking-for-a-migraine-specialist/

    I share these stories and tips in the case they may help you have more hope, but mainly just want to say we are here to help and you are not alone. Post when you need, share a story, a question, vent when you need to. There is a strong community here that understands.

    I am so glad that your current husband is supportive. And your kids obviously love you very much. Please take care of yourself Elizabeth, and I hope you find some relief.

    Be well,
    Lisa

  • Elizabeth author
    4 years ago

    Thank you Lisa for your encouraging words and advice. I feel alone most of the time with this illness. It is nice to have a place to go to where everyone knows exactly what I’m talking about and where I’m coming from. My neurologist isn’t a headache specialist, but I do have an appointment with a new neurologist that I have heard great things about. I go in two weeks, hopefully she’s as wonderful as I’ve heard. 🙂 And I’m very lucky to have such a great and supportive family. Thank you for your help.

  • Jenn Lebowitz
    4 years ago

    Hi Elizabeth,
    Thank you so much for your story. First, please know you are not alone. Kudos on coming here for support. Second, while you may get more feedback from our community, we thought you might find some of these articles useful: (1) an uplifting article on feeling hopeless: http://migraine.com/blog/defeated-hopeless-powerless-useless-migraine-in-a-word/ and (2) an article on feeling stressed or hopeless: http://migraine.com/blog/feeling-stressed-anxious-hopeless-thoughts-drive-emotions/ and (3) using cognitive therapy as a tool to increase hope: http://migraine.com/blog/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-overcome-stress-anxiety-cognitive-distortions/. We hope these prove useful for you. Please feel free to keep us posted on how you’re doing. Thanks again for reaching out.
    Best,
    Jenn
    (Community Manager, Migraine.com)

  • Elizabeth author
    4 years ago

    Thank you so much for the different links, I will definitely read all of them! Lol.

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