PFMD: Post Fun Migraine Disorder
I am feeling very frustrated with my migraine today. Which is probably an obvious and/or underwhelming statement to make when referring to migraines. But I am especially frustrated because it seems like it was inevitable. Don't you hate that? When you KNOW that what you are doing will result in a migraine? And we can say we try our best to avoid things that may trigger an attack, but oftentimes "things" are parts of life you don't want to miss out on.
This past weekend, my sister and I had tickets to see Justin Timberlake. We got tickets five months ago and were counting down the days until the concert. For someone who grew up in the Boy Band Boom of the late 90s-early 2000s, this was a dream come true. But I was worried about triggers. Smoke, light shows, loud music, crowds of people, anxiety pretty much solidified that I would pay for this experience later.
And I am. I woke up the morning after the concert and threw up and have spent the last two days in bed with extra sheets over my dark curtains so that the world outside could not get back in and exacerbate the pain inside my eyes.
This is what I call PFMD, or Post Fun Migraine Disorder. I read once that having a migraine is like having a credit card; you can have fun and build up a balance, but you WILL have to pay for it later. I often find this is the case with myself and life activities. I can be so excited preparing and planning, enjoy the moments as they happen, participate and not feel any pain. But almost every time I do this, a migraine is waiting just around the corner.
But what would the alternative be? Sitting at home and locking yourself up as a recluse? I don't know that that is really any better than having the pain and discomfort of a migraine. Migraines have threatened HUGE events in my life: my high school graduation, the birth of my nephew, MY WEDDING DAY were all hanging in the balance of missing out on these things because I had a migraine.
I am not advocating for the lifestyle of "Screw it, I'll take the risk and pay the consequences" because you can't leave everything to chance when it comes to your health. But if we allow ourselves to start avoiding things that are FUN because we don't want to have a migraine, I feel like that's letting the disease win. And I will never stop waging war against my migraines. Because I am more than the woman curled in the fetal position with ice on her head and a bucket next to the bed. I am someone who likes to have FUN.
Justin Timberlake was amazing and I wouldn't trade that night with my sister and all the fun we had for anything.
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