Reluctant Pain Warrior

I never asked for this,
Never wanted it
But it slammed me down
And broke my spirit

Endless days of agony and despair
Loss of friends and relationships

Lying in the dark;
Not much different than being dead

Did I die and not remember?
Am I in an endless hell loop?

Hope and happiness have deserted me
Oh how I want to be free
How I need to be free

Wrestling daily with ending the pain;
Could I,
Would I,
inflict so much sadness and trauma on my family - just to get relief?

Therefore I must become a Pain Warrior
To suffer out of love for my family
And I celebrate the tiniest victories

But I’m not sure if I can do this indefinitely
Am I being punished for some sin? I’m truly sorry

I don’t ask for much
yet relief is tragically elusive
I’d pay any price to be free of this burden. But relief is not for sale. Not to me.

Even the strongest, bravest warrior knows when to wave the white flag
But no one sees mine

So I must become a Pain Warrior out of love and to ensure the future health and happiness of my family; therefore I AM now a Reluctant Pain Warrior.

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