What Do You Do

My headaches started when I was 16. I would hide in my room in the dark and no one believed the pain I was in. They all thought I was faking my mom, my teachers, the doctors School administration, nobody believed me. They sent me in a specialist to check for different medical issues and I was diagnosed with a bowel obstruction, but nothing with the head. I'll never forget my biology teacher making a comment about how I was always missing school. I'll never forget her Mrs. Thorpe. I've never liked her.

Somehow I manage to finish High School. The migraines weren't so bad for a little while then they attacked me again in my early twenties. Finally at age 23 a doctor diagnose me with migraines. I spent those early years working with Midrin to help me control the horrible attacks that would hit me.

As I got older the migraines got worse. Now they're almost constant it's easier for me to count the days that I don't have headaches than to count the ones that I do. Anything pretty much sets them off smells, sounds, the weather. I wish my co-workers and friends would understand a little bit of what I go through. I think some of them really try but I think a lot of them still think that it's just a headache.

Sometimes the pain just hit me, usually it's my right eye. It's like a hot poker. I just want to put a ice cube or something in there to cool it down. Sometimes it starts at my temples or the base of my neck. Other times it's a splitting headache, like a saw ripping through the middle of my head pulling it apart. Laying down doesn't really help because the pillow hurts. If the pain moves over to my left eye I know I'm in for a long haul, the headache won't go away for at least 5 to 7 days then. Pain medicine won't help at that point I'm lucky if it helps when it's in my right eye. I usually try to go in for a shot to see if it'll dent any of the pain. But the doctors see me so often they just recommend the ER. I usually don't even bother because I end up leaving there and pain with a huge doctor bill on top of it.

So then I just continue to hide in the dark, my youngest will bring me cold wet washcloth to cover my eyes, make sure that the curtains are drawn to keep out the light and occasionally ask me if there's anything they can bring me. Then I wait for the pain to break and hope that I'll be able to stand up without falling over. My husband will call me everyday to check on me and see how I'm doing, to see if I need to go in for another shot, or to the ER. He continues to wake up each night as I sit up trying to keep from vomiting. And then when I try to go to work he'll text me almost hourly to make sure I'm doing okay. A lot of time he scolds me for going to work because he knows I should be home in bed. But how do you explain all of the pain to your co-workers into your boss and to the bill collectors that want the money when there's no more vacation or sick time left?

I smile I try to stay positive, knowing there will be the good days. The pain will be tolerable, the nausea and dizziness not to terrible. And my husband, he just smiles and tells me not to worry about it. I love that man!

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