When you rebel and risk a migraine

I find myself wanting to confess things on here because I know that I am talking to a room (however virtual) of other migraineurs who understand what it is like to deal with this illness.

So, here goes—a very silly story of a tendency I have to act as if I am someone whose life isn’t affected by migraine disease.

I wasn’t a very rebellious kid, or even a rebellious teenager (and that’s when you’re supposed to rebel, right?).  I fought with my parents (especially my poor mom!) sometimes, sure, but nothing that strikes me as out of the ordinary when I talk to other friends and families.

The main person I rebel against is myself. Or, to be more specific, my chronically ill self.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I would do anything to rid myself of migraines, but that doesn’t mean I always take all the measures I could to actually be the healthiest version of myself.  There’s that time I kind of deliberately gave myself a migraine. There are the days when I just want to act like a normal person and have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner without having to worry that the wine will trigger a migraine.

And then there are the times I go shopping or go out to eat and purchase things that I know aren’t good for my migraine brain.  It’s not as if I am ignorant about these items’ potential ability to become triggers—it’s that I’m willfully ignoring my health problems and rebelling, wanting to be a so-called “regular” person.

This explains why I have a small bag of lotions and candles that are lovely but have smells that trigger migraines for me. I bought them at a time when I was feeling good and in deliberate denial about the fact that they will be migraine triggers most of the time.

This is why I periodically spray what used to be my signature scent (an inexpensive mist called “Moonlight Path” from Bath & Body Works) and then rush to scrub it off within a few minutes because it’s now too strong a scent for me.

This is why I will eat a big ol’ honkin’ piece of sugary cake all in one sitting even though I know that having so much sugar at once will cause me to feel sick.

This is why, when in a really good mood, I decide to stay up way past my bedtime to hang out with friends even though I know that messing up my sleep routine will likely trigger a migraine.

Of course this topic isn’t new to regular readers at migraine.com, but it does seem like one that is worth revisiting, because every migraineur I know has this struggle: the struggle that emerges when you want to engage in behaviors that you know are not good for your migraine brain.

What sorts of things do you find yourself attracted to despite knowing they may trigger a migraine for you?

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