I (sadly) couldn’t agree more. I’ve had chronic migraines for 6 years now, initially following a car accident that caused neuropathy as well. After my fusion, things improved somewhat but doctors have said that the nerve damage I’m left with is permanent. I’ve gone through pain management, 4 different types of PT, acupuncture, 4 neurologists, and 2 headache specialists. I’m also menopausal which is loads of fun - and have two teen boys at home.
I’ve had doctors tell me it’s fibromyalgia, my depression & anxiety (which definitely make it worse), and my favorite - “Given your injuries, you shouldn’t be in this much pain.” Gee thanks. LOOK AT MY MRI!
Right now, my CM has worsened both in duration (3-4d) and pain level (7-😎, and thus my depression and anxiety are awful. Getting up, taking my meds, forcing myself to eat, and getting dressed are major accomplishments. I can’t work - haven’t been able to for 2 years - and am applying for disability. I have 2-4 headache-free days, (lowest since the accident), 9-10 headache days, 17-18 migraine days a month. A migraine means I have about 45 minutes after I take my meds to get home, get into soft clothes in our cool, dark, silent bedroom (a fan helps a lot for gentle white noise). Otherwise I can’t drive, let alone function.
It’s exhausting. I live in a mental fog and I don’t know if it’s my depression or CM, but does it matter? I’m numb. I’m on more meds than I can count. We have to take two cars when we go out unless it’s just us. I’ve missed so many events because the noise, lights, or timing will trigger an attack. I feel incredibly guilty for “doing this” to my family, despite my therapist and my rational mind reminding me I wouldn’t wish CM & depression & anxiety on my worst enemy. I feel like I’m a burden. I try to deny when I’m getting a headache or migraine but we all know that’s foolish and unhelpful.
If there is an upside, it’s that I’ve learned and changed a lot. I will only work with medical providers who listen, support me, and help. I REFUSE to work with anyone who questions my pain or doesn’t coordinate with my other doctors (esp. my shrink). I’d see a therapist even if I didn’t have depression because she validates my emotions, fears, and pain while helping me work through it as best I can. I have to ask for what I need, affirm my needs are valid, and realize many of my “wants” are “needs.” I must be honest with myself, my hubby (especially), my family, and friends. I can’t live in denial, and “pushing through” always makes it worse and last longer. I didn’t cause this, I’m not exaggerating, I’m not at fault - and all I can do is keep trying and be persistent. Fight/advocate for myself like I do for my kids. Care for myself like I care for my family. Give myself the unconditional love and support I give them.
It’s brutal, but at some point it will get better. It has to. Because that, and my family, are what I hold on to. Hang in there —