Work, and what's the point in my life now?
Today my boss told me that people were getting frustrated because I wasn't reliable due to migraines. And basically told me I need to take a leave of absence. I also kind of got the feeling he was trying to tell me to quit. I know I'm lucky that they aren't trying to fire me and that they put me on intermittent Fmla instead.
But for years, when my migraines were just periodic, I was one of the most reliable and productive people they had. Boss acknowledged that, which is great. But I'm upset that after all those years of me covering for others they are frustrated about covering for me.
I get it. We already work in a stressful environment, and I just make it worse. I'd finally gotten to a point, though, where I could believe it was not my fault. I've lost plenty of sleep feeling guilty about being a burden. Why did my boss have to point it out?
Over the past couple of months I've mostly been getting a bit better due to starting Botox. But it wore off and the past couple weeks have been really bad. I'm scared my boss and coworkers are loosing patience.
It does make sense to quit. It's a loud environment that triggers and exacerbates my migraines. From a business perspective they are better off without me. And my reputation at work is now shot, so I'll never get anywhere there.
I'm not hireable right now though. Besides missing work migraines also make me dumber and more emotional. I feel like I'm not wanted it the world; I can't do anyone any good. I have so little self esteem left. I don't know who I am or where I fit in anymore. Migraines have shaken me in every way. If I quit I'd be so lost and not know what where to go. I feel so trapped.
Am I being selfish for not quitting? How do you even start to think about switching careers in this situation? Where do people with migraines fit in to the world? How do I contribute to the world? How do I survive?
I wish I didn't understand this as well as I do.
You're not selfish for keeping your job!!! You're doing the best you can and until you get a solution figured out that is all you can do.
Can you live without the job? Because in my case I can not. I thought about applying for disability but that can take years and I have a small child so that isn't an option for me.
Keep trying things!! Keep fighting for hope that something works for you and don't let those people at work get you down because they don't understand. You can't let it bother you. It would be like being mad at a kid for not understanding a complex emotion. You can, but it's not going to help anything and generally will just drive you crazy. Until you've had a migraine, you can't even begin to understand what its like and until you've had enough of them that you struggle and can function through a lot of it, you don't understand. Even my friends who have had migraines think that I have to be lying because if I had so many migraines how could I work... and the answer is I work because I have to.
Besides, where else would you work? Because anything that is going to pay enough to live isn't going to be migraine friendly that I can think of.
Just remember that you are not defined by your migraines. If you're a reliable good person then you still are and just because you're sick it doesn't change that you're a reliable good person. It just means that sometimes you CAN'T do something. Its like your car breaking down. You can't help it.
Your post so exactly mirrors how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing in my job right now that I cried while reading it. Like you, I have suffered from periodic migraines since a young age, but over the past year, the migraines have become much worse in frequency and in intensity. I have always had a career that is integral to my self identity and self worth. But now that career is in jeopardy because I have become "unreliable" in that at least 1-2 days a month I cannot do my job because I cannot function due to the severity of the migraines. I'm afraid I'm going to be fired or forced onto disability, neither of which have ever happened in my life. I feel so isolated and alone because even close family members don't understand or support me. I feel like a failure, worthless, with nothing to contribute, and in despair over the bleakness of my future of unending/unabating pain.
You are not alone. I am in the same situation but can't quit work. I wish I had the magic answer for you. I will pray for you to find peace in this time and all who are in your life, including you, will learn to extend grace to you.
My heart breaks for all of you. I have worked so many jobs only because migrains are so severe and so often I have to call off my employers don't understand and fire me. Now I work part time at Walmart.last week I missed 2 days the week before I missed 3 days. So now they cut my hours to 2 days a week. I can't make rent at this rate. So I understand how you feel
I'm scared and lost. Disability denied me twice. I don't know what to do.
