The Relationship Between Me and My Neurologist

By Tonya Henry

3 min read

When it comes to medical providers, it is very important to find one that you are comfortable with. You should feel free to let them know what is going on, how you feel, if meds are working or not, or anything else related to why you see them. When there is a pleasant environment in the doctor-patient relationship, it is easier to let them know your thoughts.

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How long have I been with my current provider?

I have been with my current provider for about the last eight years. I think it is great when you can stay with a provider for so long. I, for one, do not like starting over. I hate retelling my health history and answering the same questions over and over:

What have you tried?
How long were you on this?
Were there any side effects?
Have you noticed any new symptoms?
Are you willing to try alternative therapies?
Have you used Botox or would you like to try it?

My provider knows everything that I have been on. He is the one who has given me pretty much all of them. I do not have to re-explain anything because he sees it all on the chart.

How did I find him?

When I got out of the military, I was still using the military health system as a dependent. I was referred out to a civilian practice. That is where I first met my current provider. He was at a local hospital in my area. I saw him for about a year. I honestly do not know why I stopped using that clinic after that.

I then transitioned to the Veteran’s Affairs (VA) side of healthcare. I was given a new neurologist there. That provider retired a few years later. Guess what happened?!! The provider that I used to see was the new neurologist at my VA!!!

I was happy to get a provider that was familiar with my history. Yes, some things had been added, but he already knew me. Like I said earlier, I do not like starting over. I was so happy that he remembered me also.

How has our relationship been over the years?

As time has gone on, we have learned more about each other. He knows that I have children, and now, grandchildren. I remember when he was going on vacation because his first grandchild was being born.

I think I have been very fortunate when it comes to my current provider. He has always been willing to listen to my needs and input. If I ask about a medication, he is willing to give it a try. He is not pushy when I say that I want to stop this treatment because of side effects, or, if it is not helping. He will also ask what I would like to do. If a medicine can be increased/decreased, he has asked if I think the dose needs changing.

Some providers have that “God-complex.” Yes, they may have a doctorate, but, it is OUR body. We know when we have side effects. If something is not working, why continue it? I will bring the idea of new treatments to him, if I see something I feel will work for me. I am glad that he is not opposed to my ideas.

Would I switch providers?

Possibly. There may come a time when that happens. Currently though, I am happy, and my needs are met. I know he may retire one day, or, leave my current VA health system. I hope not. If he does, I would be forced to stay with whoever takes his place, or go back into the civilian healthcare market for neurology. I will cross that road if, and when, I get there. But for now, I am not looking for a change in neurologist.

How’s the relationship with your neurologist or migraine specialist?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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raistlinsghost Member
Thanks for sharing your story. In responding to how my relationship is with my own provider, I guess I'd have to go with It's Complicated. Years ago I was very fortunate to have a neurologist who was a specialist in migraine. He was a lot like the way you describe your provider and even though he was a 4-Hour drive away, he was worth it because he was amazing. He retired and closed his practice however, and I had to do exactly what you described. Find a new person, tell them my story, tell them what I have tried, blah blah blah. I've been with this new neurologist for maybe 5 years and in recent visits have not felt like he cares what happens to me. When discussing acute relief therapy at my last appointment he came very close to calling me a drug addict and talked a lot about drug seeking behaviors. I was extremely disappointed as one of the things I have always strived for is to limit usage of anything not over the counter to only when it's so bad I'm considering going to the ER. I have an appointment with him next week and I'm going to use it as my litmus test for whether it's time to find somebody new or not. Fingers crossed that that I feel like he's more on my side than I have recently.
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="raistlinsghost" user-id="3863592"/> How interesting. I'm so grateful you shared this. The topic of which medications we're on can be a tricky one. We know our bodies- what works for us- especially when we've been at this for years. My hope would be that we could be honest with our doctors (and they with us) rather than tip-toeing around this or that topic. Wouldn't it be refreshing to be able to say out loud "I just haven't quite had the sense that you're on my side recently" and open up that dialog more directly? This, so that you could openly state how you have strived to take care to limit your usage of the drug in question and then see how that discussion goes. Maybe that's wishful thinking. There is an unfortunate power dynamic in the patient/doctor relationship and that can definitely be at play during our appointments. I absolutely wish you the best for your upcoming appointment next week. I'll be thinking of you. If you have the time, circle back and let us know how it goes. Warmly - Holly (team member) 
2. Tonya Henry Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="raistlinsghost" user-id="3863592"/> I am so sorry that this new provider has not been what you expected, so far. That is truly disappointing. I have to say that I really loved my primary. I had been with her for many years. Like I mentioned with this provider, she knew my story. But...at one appointment, she said something that really hurt me. I could not get it out of my head. I thought long and hard about how to approach it. I ended up messaging her and telling her that she was incorrect and what she perceived. She wrote back, apologized, and ordered medication/tests. If I had just let it go, she would have put incorrect information in my chart. As people with chronic illness, we learn to truly advocate for ourselves. I hope that your next appointment goes well for you. Keep us updated!! (Tonya, team member).
LynvjWilson65 Member
I agree 100%! My Neurologist and I have a very good relationship. I'm not sure what I would have done without him all these years. My visits started out with migraine then moved to polyneuropathy and POTS syndrome. He handled the blow of the POTS syndrome with such grace. (I really didn't) Recently he paid me the HUGE compliment of including me (in a small way), in a Grand Rounds Presentation talking about my neurological issues. He said he asked myself and one other patient in his presentation. With migraine, a good provider is essential. 
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="LynvjWilson65" user-id="6660085"/> This is so wonderful to hear. It's a dream to hear a positive example like this as we so frequently hear of difficulties in the patient/doctor relationship. I'm so warmed to hear of the way you both navigated your shifting diagnoses together - and how you are feeling seen and valued by him. You are right, a good provider is essential. I wish there were more of them out there! Thanks so much for sharing this shining example so that others know what is possible out there! Warmly - Holly (team member) 
2. Tonya Henry Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="LynvjWilson65" user-id="6660085"/> I agree!! It is absolutely essential to have a good relationship. I just wanted to say that like your's, my neurologist is the one who diagnosed my dysautonomia. POTS is a form of it. I now know that my migraines are due to this. I am glad to hear that your provider put the pieces together for you. I have seen that many times, we have many different symptoms, but no one connects the dots. Thank goodness for the providers that do!!! I hope the relationship continues to go well for you. Thank you for being part of the conversation!! (Tonya, team member).