The Relationship Between Me and My Neurologist

By Tonya Henry

3 min read

When it comes to medical providers, it is very important to find one that you are comfortable with. You should feel free to let them know what is going on, how you feel, if meds are working or not, or anything else related to why you see them. When there is a pleasant environment in the doctor-patient relationship, it is easier to let them know your thoughts.

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How long have I been with my current provider?

I have been with my current provider for about the last eight years. I think it is great when you can stay with a provider for so long. I, for one, do not like starting over. I hate retelling my health history and answering the same questions over and over:

What have you tried?
How long were you on this?
Were there any side effects?
Have you noticed any new symptoms?
Are you willing to try alternative therapies?
Have you used Botox or would you like to try it?

My provider knows everything that I have been on. He is the one who has given me pretty much all of them. I do not have to re-explain anything because he sees it all on the chart.

How did I find him?

When I got out of the military, I was still using the military health system as a dependent. I was referred out to a civilian practice. That is where I first met my current provider. He was at a local hospital in my area. I saw him for about a year. I honestly do not know why I stopped using that clinic after that.

I then transitioned to the Veteran’s Affairs (VA) side of healthcare. I was given a new neurologist there. That provider retired a few years later. Guess what happened?!! The provider that I used to see was the new neurologist at my VA!!!

I was happy to get a provider that was familiar with my history. Yes, some things had been added, but he already knew me. Like I said earlier, I do not like starting over. I was so happy that he remembered me also.

How has our relationship been over the years?

As time has gone on, we have learned more about each other. He knows that I have children, and now, grandchildren. I remember when he was going on vacation because his first grandchild was being born.

I think I have been very fortunate when it comes to my current provider. He has always been willing to listen to my needs and input. If I ask about a medication, he is willing to give it a try. He is not pushy when I say that I want to stop this treatment because of side effects, or, if it is not helping. He will also ask what I would like to do. If a medicine can be increased/decreased, he has asked if I think the dose needs changing.

Some providers have that “God-complex.” Yes, they may have a doctorate, but, it is OUR body. We know when we have side effects. If something is not working, why continue it? I will bring the idea of new treatments to him, if I see something I feel will work for me. I am glad that he is not opposed to my ideas.

Would I switch providers?

Possibly. There may come a time when that happens. Currently though, I am happy, and my needs are met. I know he may retire one day, or, leave my current VA health system. I hope not. If he does, I would be forced to stay with whoever takes his place, or go back into the civilian healthcare market for neurology. I will cross that road if, and when, I get there. But for now, I am not looking for a change in neurologist.

How’s the relationship with your neurologist or migraine specialist?

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raistlinsghost Member
Thanks for sharing your story. In responding to how my relationship is with my own provider, I guess I'd have to go with It's Complicated. Years ago I was very fortunate to have a neurologist who was a specialist in migraine. He was a lot like the way you describe your provider and even though he was a 4-Hour drive away, he was worth it because he was amazing. He retired and closed his practice however, and I had to do exactly what you described. Find a new person, tell them my story, tell them what I have tried, blah blah blah. I've been with this new neurologist for maybe 5 years and in recent visits have not felt like he cares what happens to me. When discussing acute relief therapy at my last appointment he came very close to calling me a drug addict and talked a lot about drug seeking behaviors. I was extremely disappointed as one of the things I have always strived for is to limit usage of anything not over the counter to only when it's so bad I'm considering going to the ER. I have an appointment with him next week and I'm going to use it as my litmus test for whether it's time to find somebody new or not. Fingers crossed that that I feel like he's more on my side than I have recently.
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="raistlinsghost" user-id="3863592"/> You have a big heart to be considering your doctor's side of things rather than to be reactive to some of your past less-than-helpful interactions. You are right- doctors are human too. I often consider that migraine doctors, specifically, must feel weighed down by choosing a field for which there is no cure. They must have heard so many heartbreaking stories- from patients who are in pain and struggling. It would be impossible for their mood not to be impacted. All that said, I'm not sure how I would feel to be labeled as "cursed" by my doctor. Again, you are unique in your warmhearted response to consider that we sometimes feel that way. I likely would've emerged feeling defensive about that comment. Even if I may think that about myself, I don't think it's appropriate for someone else to say it about me. Especially a doctor. I don't want to be made to feel like a lost cause. I have had a doctor quit on me in the past for that reason and it's just awful. But again, I appreciate your desire to look positively when you can. I like your tact to bring someone along to witness the appointment- to provide you with support- and perhaps to keep the doctor a bit more on his/her best behavior. It sounds like after this recent appointment you may be more open to stick with this newer doctor to continue to see how things go? Is that where you've landed? Whatever the case, you definitely seem very capable in handling yourself and in evaluating the fit as you continue along. We are grateful you are willing to share this part of your journey with us as it provides a real-world example for our community about evaluating our doctors as we seek that healthy fit: https://migraine.com/living-migraine/evaluating-doctor-patient-relationship-right-fit Warmly - Holly (team member) 
2. Melissa Arnold Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="raistlinsghost" user-id="3863592"/> So glad it worked out for you! Great idea to bring a "copilot" to your appointment for so many reasons. They have an outside perspective, they can ask their own questions, and they can help you make sense of things afterward, especially if migraine or meds make you feel foggy. This will also serve as an experiment of sorts if you go on your own again next time -- are they still sympathetic, or have they gone back to being a curmudgeon? That info will help you as you move forward. Fingers crossed you can keep a good thing going. Be well. -Melissa, team member
LynvjWilson65 Member
I agree 100%! My Neurologist and I have a very good relationship. I'm not sure what I would have done without him all these years. My visits started out with migraine then moved to polyneuropathy and POTS syndrome. He handled the blow of the POTS syndrome with such grace. (I really didn't) Recently he paid me the HUGE compliment of including me (in a small way), in a Grand Rounds Presentation talking about my neurological issues. He said he asked myself and one other patient in his presentation. With migraine, a good provider is essential. 
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="LynvjWilson65" user-id="6660085"/> This is so wonderful to hear. It's a dream to hear a positive example like this as we so frequently hear of difficulties in the patient/doctor relationship. I'm so warmed to hear of the way you both navigated your shifting diagnoses together - and how you are feeling seen and valued by him. You are right, a good provider is essential. I wish there were more of them out there! Thanks so much for sharing this shining example so that others know what is possible out there! Warmly - Holly (team member) 
2. Tonya Henry Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="LynvjWilson65" user-id="6660085"/> I agree!! It is absolutely essential to have a good relationship. I just wanted to say that like your's, my neurologist is the one who diagnosed my dysautonomia. POTS is a form of it. I now know that my migraines are due to this. I am glad to hear that your provider put the pieces together for you. I have seen that many times, we have many different symptoms, but no one connects the dots. Thank goodness for the providers that do!!! I hope the relationship continues to go well for you. Thank you for being part of the conversation!! (Tonya, team member).