How to Build Relationships with Chronic Migraine

By Amanda Workman

2 min read

Most people I know have lived their lives without ever having a migraine attack, much less living with chronic migraine. As somebody who has been living with chronic migraine since 2009, I have learned there are some key steps to take to build a relationship with a great foundation.

What should your partner know about migraine?

When you have a chronic health condition, like chronic migraine, and your partner does not, it is even more vital to educate them. It can be hard for a normal/healthy individual to understand what it means to live with a chronic condition.

The best thing to do is to explain how chronic migraine affects you. What are your triggers? What symptoms do you normally face? Do you have aura? If so, explain what an aura is to your partner and how it affects you. Do you have a migraine toolkit? If so, where is it located? What does it look like? These are all very significant facts for your partner to know.

How honest should you be?

Being honest is probably one of the hardest parts of dating with a chronic health condition for me. I can educate people all day long, but admitting when I need help or that I feel too bad to do something is another story. Despite my challenges, it is such an important component of being in a healthy relationship.

Is it appropriate to ask for help?

It is so important for us to admit to our partners when we need a little extra help from them. Rather, it is help cooking dinner or managing the kids so we can go to bed. By asking for this help, we prevent feeling like we must do everything ourselves. This is important because feeling this way can cause resentment to build within the relationship.

Should you share when you can't do things?

Another area we must be honest with our significant others about is when we feel too bad to do things. It does not matter what these things are, rather it is going somewhere, having intimate time, or even coming out of our dark cave. When we push ourselves too much, the migraine attack can worsen, and we can be down for longer than we would have been otherwise.

How should you spend your good days?

While it can easily feel like chronic migraine can take over your life, it is vital to enjoy time with your partner on either pain-free or limited-pain days. We all know that eventually we will have to miss a plan or two before long, so make the most of it when you can.

There are times that we go out for a quick bite to eat. Other times we go out with friends for a longer time out of the house. But most of the time, we enjoy one another’s company at home. Even if it is simply watching a show or snuggling while doing separate things. The main thing is that we enjoy each other’s company.

Do you have any tips or tricks for making a relationship work while living with chronic migraine?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Prettymomma Member
Thank you so much Amanda for your very relevant article. This is something that I struggle with so much. I too have been at this since 2009. and you would think that I would be able to communicate to others when I am not feeling well and need some help or just need to not do the things that they wanted to do. I have the hardest time saying no and in most cases will go ahead and do the things that they wanted to do and just pay for it later. It's not ideal at all but I feel so ashamed having all of my restrictions and telling my children and my husband that I can't do the thing they wanted to do ( such as go out to eat, shopping, or running an errand) Just this week, it has been exceptionally sunny and bright over the last 2 days. Someone who does not have a constant headache would love those days because it was cool, crisp, and sunny outside. A bright sunny day is a big trigger for me, even with sunglasses and etc. Well guess what.... I had to go out. We had to pick up my Dad from the airport and take him home. It is another story altogether, but we have a rough relationship and just seeing him in most cases will aggravate my headache. Needless to say, by the time we dropped him off, I was in bad shape and needed to get home and take a shot and go to bed. My husband had hoped we could run some errands and do some other things but I had to tell him no. I felt so bad that we could not enjoy a beautiful sunny day together, and I know he was disappointed too. Once again, I let him down and I felt so bad. (both literally and physically) He had wished that I had told him how bad I was feeling, but I had tried to hide it until it just got so bad that it had to be addressed. He wished that I would have told him earlier rather than wait til it got so bad. He didn't understand how fast things can go from somewhat ok to a full blown attack. I should have communicated that. Anyway... I find this to be a constant struggle and think it is exceptionally hard for someone that does not like to tell anyone no and please everyone. I think it is hard also because we don't want to let others down either. Thank you for writing this article. It is definitely a subject that we all struggle with. Take care! 😀
1. Alene L. Brennan, RYT Moderator & Contributor
 Thank you for sharing such an honest and relatable comment. You highlight such a good point. There' the disappointment that we experience firsthand when a migraine happens. But often the greater disappointment that we feel is having to "let others down" if and when we have to cancel plans for simply go home. It's hard to let people down like that. Migraines are out of our control and there's nothing that we do to bring one on, so we shouldn't carry guilt about it, but it is a very real and honest emotion to experience when living with migraine. One positive that I saw coming out of your post is the fact that it opened a broader conversation with your husband. It sounds like he got to better understand how quickly migraines can come on, and that you don't always get a long runway to know if/when it's happening. This is a good reminder to us all to communicate this important message too. - Alene, moderator 
2. Alene L. Brennan, RYT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Rebecca C" user-id="3677527"/> as they say "the struggle is real!" I love your message in this thought "It truly allows those who want to help me to better understand the current situation." It's a powerful key to managing migraine and life with our loved ones. - Alene, Moderator
Alene L. Brennan, RYT Moderator & Contributor
Amanda this is a beautifully written article about the important of communication and really, about being honest enough with ourselves so we can be honest with our partners. I especially loved your comment, "I can educate people all day long, but admitting when I need help or that I feel too bad to do something is another story." I feel like that will resonate with so many people here in our community. And thanks for the acknowledging that sometimes the hard part is to still protect your health when you're starting to feel better but not 100% yet. It's tempting to want to return to a sense of normalcy then, but we do need to still protect our health. - Alene, moderator