savta45
"In response to question, how am I feeling:
Not good. I have a migraine (surprise!), and just took Norco, as the Tylenol Arthritis Formula wasn’t touching it. The good news is that we, my husband & I were able to take our 2 dogs in the truck & drive up to one of the lovely lakes in our area, about 30 minutes away, & spend some time there, & got home, before this hit. I had several other things I planned on doing today, since we got home before lunchtime, but no, those activities are not happening today. 😖
I also am dealing with some kind of chest/back pain that’s been off & on for several months, & I don’t know what to make of it. I told my doctor about it & he thinks it’s epigastric in origin, & put me on Omeprezole (Prilosec.) I’ve been on it for about 5 days now & so far, I’m not noticing any change. It makes me a little bit anxious, since I have the weird clot history, but 🤷♀️ he knows that.
The other thing that happened recently was a HUGE fight between my husband & myself & I blame it all on the migraine/migraines. You see, I had a VERY BAD one the other day & responded to a question he asked me in a way that I probably wouldn’t have, if I didn’t have the migraine. In my own defense, it seemed like a baited question & not something to bring up when I was in that condition. But, had I been in my right mind, I would have been able to see that, but not rise to the bait. In any case, this resulted in a HUGE mess, where he was threatening divorce & all kinds of other horrible things, including giving away our 2 dogs, one of whom is like an unofficial therapy dog for me. We slept in separate rooms that night, & i cancelled going to a meeting for 3 days from then, because I don’t drive & he said he wasn’t going to help me anymore. The familiar theme of “I do so much for you & you don’t appreciate me” was repeated, as would be expected. But, he said he’d reached a point of no return & indicated that there was no point in trying anymore. I took him seriously. The next morning, he did want to talk. Apologized for saying that he didn’t want to continue with our marriage. I was actually surprised. So, even though i felt like I was being jerked around, & very tender emotionally, things have gradually gotten better. It looks like we’ve weathered this storm. I don’t know if other married couples go through this kind of thing. Or if this is more common among couples in which one of the partners suffers from chronic migraines. But, I will say this: This episode, & I think several others like them in the course of my marriage I believe to be at least partially related to my migraines. I’m simply not me when I have them. And, on that day, I’d had to take 3 1/2 tab doses of the Norco to even begin to get some relief. The fact that I’m taking that much of that medication to try to control it tells you a lot right there. And, something else. I don’t have a whole lot of self esteem to begin with. But, when he starts talking about giving our dogs away, specifically one of them, who I consider my unofficial therapy dog, I start thinking about hurting myself, should he do that. I need Yogi. We could divorce, but i need Yogi. That’s not negotiable. I’m not playing. I have many, many possibilities for achieving that objective, and I am completely serious. I don’t have a whole lot going for me, anyway. Really. If our marriage fails, & I don’t have Yogi, there’s no point to my life. Simply how I feel.
So, things are better now. I can only pray that they stay good for awhile.
"
Hello my dear- I care about you and am always glad to hear from you. My goodness you've been through so much recently. Wonderful that you were able to get away to see some lovely sites- time with your dogs- and bodies of water are always perspective-givers in my book. I'm sorry you got hit with a hard attack and had to change your plans. I know you are very experienced with migraine so you know all about shifting plans mid-stride. Still, being experienced doesn't make it any easier.
You are so right to point out the way that migraine can make us more vulnerable emotionally - and less able to access our executive functioning skills. Navigating conflict becomes exceedingly difficult with a migraine attack.
Perhaps due in part to the migraine attack depleting your ability to articulate yourself, you and your husband wandered into some big landmines. You were not capable of managing that level of intensity at the time. When people are defensive - hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment. It then becomes difficult to figure out where the real feelings lie.
Marriage can be incredibly hard, as you said. And, migraine can add a lot of complexities to the mix. You may remember that my 25-year-long marriage ended a few years ago. My then-husband pointed to migraine as one of the primary causes (I pointed to his infidelity!) - and I bring this up just to share that at the time, I couldn't imagine how I could handle life on my own. I was also greatly dependent our dog. Five years later, I'm happier than I can remember ever being- and feel so solid and strong in myself- confident to see what I have accomplished on my own - and all that I continue to do independently (with my wonderful dog as my partner).
I'd strongly suggest (if you aren't already) that you and your husband pursue couples counseling so that you can have a safe place to talk about the emotions you both have related to your marriage overall as well as how your migraine condition plays into your relationship. Hopefully, you'll be able to work through this upset and find new ground together. I hear you that things seem better now- and that is the ideal time to pursue therapy together when the upset is not dramatic.
Your biggest fear relates to losing your support dog and illustrates your deep connection to your sweet Yogi. So many people living with migraine rely on their animals to help them manage the complexities and demands of the condition. I encourage you to remember that any decision relating to your pets should be made by you and your husband together. You should have a voice in that.
Also, when you notice those big feelings arise in yourself - especially ones regarding self-harm, it's important to reach out for help. Do you have a counselor/therapist? If not, here is a link to a piece that has some resources that may prove helpful: https://migraine.com/mental-health/coping-psychotherapy. We encourage anyone living with chronic migraine to consider therapy. And these days, it's easier to follow through with appointments with virtual options available.
We are here for you - and hope you'll continue to keep us in touch with where you are in your journey and how you are faring. I'm thinking of you and sending you love and compassion. Warmly - Holly - migraine.com team
Thank you so very much,Holly. I REALLY like your considered & kind response. Everything is back to normal again & I’m afraid to bring it up. When I have in the past, he’s said how it doesn’t do any good, in his experience (he went to couples counseling with his 1st wife, & they divorced anyway,) so why spend the money on it. And, of course, HE doesn’t have a problem, it’s all MY issue, so IM the one who needs to fix it. 🙄
I had been going to therapy for about 3 years. But, somehow, Sol got the idea that my therapist was helping me to see that he was not worth staying with, & since he pays the bills, decided that WE weren’t going to pay for it anymore. My Mother had just passed & I got a bit of an inheritance from her, which I’ve kept separate from the rest of the household accounts (wonder why) & if I wanted, I could use those funds. It’s not all that much, & if I ever have to set myself up, individually, I’d like to have a bit of money set aside.
So, I haven’t continued. I definitely need it, & wish I could continue with her, as I’d been going to her for several years & she knows me well.
I really don’t know how I would manage on my own & it scares me. I don’t drive, & that’s HUGE. I haven’t driven in about 10 years. I can’t trust myself behind the wheel, because I start doing stupid things even before I realize that I’m getting a migraine, very often, so, its actually part of the aura or prodrome, but, because I’m in it,i can’t separate myself from it to be objective enough to know. Does that make sense? It’s one of the things I hate most about this thing, because without being able able to drive, I’m so dependent! It’s pathetic! I can’t even go to the grocery store & get food for myself. If Sol & I were to divorce, I would have to move some where they can deliver my groceries, they don’t do it here. It’s pretty rural.
I’m getting depressed even writing about this. And, we’re fine right now. But, as he kept saying at the time, it’s going to happen again. It’s happened before & I always say I will not do it again, that I’ll work on it. The thing is, I’m really not me when I have a migraine. I’m just not. I don’t know how to logically correct something which is happening to/with me when I’m not even being my normal self. I haven’t got a clue. I can only hope to keep my mouth shut. Even if he is doing something that I perceive to be wrong or baiting. Because, no matter what I say, I can almost certainly guarantee that it will not be a good response. But, he won’t/can’t keep it in mind that it’s not me speaking, but the migraine. Even though he SAYS he knows how I am when I get migraines & SAYS that he knows that they are not my fault.
He says he understands. But, even though he does a LOT for me, really, he does, & most of the time, he’s very, very good to me, occasionally it seems that he doesn’t get it. He thinks he does. But, no. Unfortunately, he really doesn’t. It’s a shame, and i know he’s trying, for the most part. But, when things get tough, he can’t see it. It’s extremely disconcerting.
I can only hope & pray 🙏 that the next problem won’t happen again for a very, very long time. I don’t know how long I can stand going through this, over & over again.
Thank you for the referral link. I will have to check it out.
And thank you for helping me so much. I APPRECIATE this site & YOU SO MUCH!! Can’t begin to express… 💐
Ruth -- sending so much love and prayers to you tonight. I am worried about the back/chest situation, especially with Prilosec not working. I'd let your doctor know and see if s/he has other thoughts, or wants to see you back. There is so much I want to say about all you've shared in your marriage, but at the end of the day, none of us has walked in your shoes. We are here to listen and support you in whatever choices you make, always. But if your hubby says all the time that this WILL happen again ... then maybe it's time to learn a new strategy toward breaking that cycle. Heck, if he thinks it's all you, then let the therapist say so, and then you can learn better strategies moving forward. Everybody "wins" -- ideally you both come away from therapy feeling supported AND better able to handle conflict.
You deserve the best. You deserve to be cared for, never threatened.
Thinking of you. -Melissa, migraine team