A Migraine for 10 Years.

Hi. I’m Carrie. I turned 30 last week, (and celebrated by throwing it back to the '90s). I have a chronic illness and first started having health issues when I was 20, and it’s not easy to sit with the fact that it’s officially been ten years since having my first headache, which still hasn’t fully gone away.

A painful decade

Ten birthdays of being in pain. And ironically, the past week was one of the most debilitating weeks of severe pain I’ve had in a while. By the time Friday afternoon came around, I was much improved but still thought about calling off all birthday celebrations for the sake of playing it safe. But I decided to show up anyway—decked out in space ball hair and an oversized jumper. And it was actually perfect.

Celebrate the good

First of all, it was perfect because I think everyone should end a killer migraine week by getting dressed up and throwing a party with people who show up to celebrate you.

But also, because of, once again, the joy of relationship…showing up and believing genuine connection is still possible, even when I feel like I have absolutely nothing to give. Because Friday, I literally had nothing to give. But I was forced to receive. And my heart was so, so, fed by it (+ the Mr. Feeny videos + choker revival + dance club appearance).

A note to my past

Dear Twenties,

Thanks for introducing me to my real people. Who show up. When I have nothing to give. And also, a God that wants to do nothing more for me than just that. I had a slight glimpse of this before, and now you’ve given me years of joy-filled moments to prove it. I am incredibly grateful for you…but, I’m also not sad to say goodbye.

See you never.
And—I love you.

-Carrie 30

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