It seems like I have always had them

I call it the monster in my head. I remember being a child and having severe stomach aches and seeing distorted images that scared me. Later when puberty hit my mother realized that I suffered from migraines too. My Mom seemed to always have a migraine. We were always being told to be quiet. Once my migraines hit ,when I started my period , I realized what she was going through.

I would only get them twice a month in the beginning. After my third child I had a problem with a hormonal imbalance. I knew I could not be on any hormones as they made my migraines a 100 times worse. The doctor said my choices were another pregnancy or take a synthetic hormone for 6 months to fool my body. It was the beginning of my personal hell. By the end of the six months I had daily migraines. ( If I knew about holistic medicine back then I would never have taken the hormones) As my body slowly started to go back to normal I noticed that I had more and more triggers for my migraines. I have seen 5 neurologists and have tried every drug available. I have felt like a lab rat on many occasions. I have tachycardia so the latest drugs cause problems. Although I was so desperate I tried them against doctors orders. I lead a very sheltered life. I avoid sunshine ( sunglasses and hats), florescent lighting, ( shopping is a nightmare ) , perfumes, etc. Of course you can't stop the weather and your monthly cycle. Although I am getting close to 50 so I am hoping those will stop soon. I am trying a more natural approach to my migraines now, I am eating non processed foods. I eat a lot of vegetables and fruits and I am working on cutting out meat. I take supplements like magnesium and zinc and butterbur.

My migraines are no longer a daily battle but they are still a weekly one. I have suffered from severe depression and found that those medications also known to help migraines unfortunately made mine worse. I have been off of anti-depressants for 3 years and the migraines aren't as frequent but they are still severe. As for the depression it is under control. Living with chronic pain is difficult not only for us but for family members too. I grew up watching my mother and having to walk softly around her due to her migraines and I ended up suffering like her.

I am glad they finally admitted it is a disease. I know have something to say to those people who like to blame you for your own pain. "What did you do to get one this time" - I think that was one of the most hurtful things anyone ever said. People who are uneducated do not know why you suffer but they can and sometimes do offer sympathy. As for the nurses and doctors who have looked at us as drug addicts , I hope they never suffer. I may sound a little bitter, I think is is looking back at over 30 years of pain. I try not to blame or complain but state the facts. The fact is I am the one that has to live with the monster in my head that comes out when I least expect it. Hopefully one day I will slay the monster and live in peace.

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