The scary truth of a migraine lifer...you may not care
I've fought the pain since puberty. It runs in the family through my mother's side. Thrill. As a small child I never understood why I was spanked to keep quiet while my mom lied down on the couch sometimes for awhile and needed "peace and quiet". My brother and I were only 6 and 7 years old, around there. Small children.
Now I know why. But small children who don't understand shouldn't be spanked hard for playing loudly just because of a migraine and things they don't understand... but, oh well. Later on, yeah, we understood. Especially me, when that pain began.
It came with my first cycle. The cramps themselves where horrendous and monstrous. But the head pain. That was something else. Back then, my parents didn't care much for explaining things so I just got this box of random pads to try thrown at me with no word. But with that pain, when aspirin was not working, mom got angry and finally gave me Fioricet. It helped. The pain went away. UNTIL!!!!.... the medicinal effects wore off.
Back then, I didn't know anything about migraines or the like. I will tell you, as a child, I had weird symptoms as a kid cheerleader on the field. This is hindsight, and I do still get these same pains, I would suddenly out of the blue, as I was running or walking, unexpectedly get these sharp knife like pains like someone stabbing me in the abdomen, stopping me in my tracks. I would not be able to move. It still happens. And I would not be believed by anyone (sign of the times eh? this was mid 70s). I believe now these were abdominal migraines. Warning signs of things to come.
Back to the "Bad Ones Beginnings". Well, of course, I would have the nausea and vomiting Royale with the headaches like you would not believe. And sometimes, if I was lucky, the migraine would go away after I vomited. Weird but I would take it. But it was hell with my family I hate to say. It was like I was a bother with them when I was suffering from a migraine. I would just about have at least three or four a month. My mother was a bad gossip type (I did not follow her example because those types are so horrible) and I know she gossiped badly about me to everyone. Even when we were on vacation to her sister's house (my brother's and mine aunt and uncle) of course) and I had an infected lymph node behind my right ear from "cat scratch fever" and a "migraine from hell" from it. The whole family treated me so rotten, all the relatives.
So, yeah, not a great time growing up there. Nope.
I got married and got out of their house finally and found a decent neurologist finally and got on a decent treatment. He tweaked the treatments so that the medicines would finally work. Trouble was, my mother's type of "poison" was getting to my husband and causing trouble in my marriage. Well, my pain meds and rescue meds were mysteriously disappearing and someone was drinking every day now (not me) so, mystery solved. Thanks to my own family, my marriage was ruined again. Yeah, I had tried twice to save it but my ex husband just didn't care anymore it seemed. I was not going to put up with someone who did rec drugs, stole my drugs or was an alcoholic and didn't care.
So came me back to just me. My doctor retired. Now I've cycled through quite a few doctors and still am looking for a neurologist that will not treat me like I'm an idiot. I had a bad attack two years ago that left me with no strength in either arm and absolute loss of feeling in both arms. It frightened me to no end of course. I couldn't do a thing. I should have gone straight to the ER but I did not. Maybe I should have. I've tried Emory here but they told me straight to my face that I'm stupid but they're wrong and stupid. Tanner has proof of the arthritis and pinched discs in my neck.
I have degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my cervical and upper thoracic vertebrae, arthritis in my knees, neck, upper back, and a bone spur in my toe, and arthritis in my feet. I do have a great podiatrist but it's the ongoing quest for a decent qualified neurologist that doesn't cost a fortune (like 200 dollars copay when you walk in, typical here in Georgia).
So, yeah, I've fought depression, no, still fighting it so bad you can't know, I can't cry because I don't know why, maybe too angry. It's a tough road I've walked and I still walk it. They don't even have migraine support groups here. To start one myself? Yeah, like I have a regular work schedule and don't get me started on the soapbox of my job (it increases my stress tenfold but bills don't pay themselves and I'm still job searching).
I do try to find my bliss though....
Arts and crafts, hiking with my German Shepherd Dogs, playing with them. Playing with my cats.
I don't own a TV. Can't afford it and I get enough negativity at work. DVDs work just fine on my computer.
I do try to do a little container garden on my front porch. It's a little old piece of southern type of history, nice and peaceful. Now, keeping things growing== maybe I should stick to cacti? lol
But, I really just am truthfully exhausted. I have only a few reasons to be here so for what little money I don't have, don't tell me to get rid of my pets. They're my only reasons I'm here. I'm just that tired. That's how much people have cared about me in my migraine life.
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