Secret Warrior

If only they understood the battle I face every day upon waking up in the late morning. Late morning because I can never fall asleep until real late and if I don’t get enough hours then I know I will wake with a migraine. A battle that I wage war in every day since I was 12 and now 53.

Menopause and migraine

See, I’m a Lifer, as my doctor calls me. After menopause, they got worse instead of dissipating. I wasn’t a lucky one that after menopause your body structure changes and normally they will cease. But I have this huge, black, and stormy cloud that follows me everywhere. There’s no telling what is taking the life away from me. Depression, severe anxiety, panic attacks, the side effects from all the triptans I have taken over the years. The list goes on but I’m sure you all know the deal. Oh, I can forecast the weather for you at least 2-3 days before it’ll snow, rain, or get really hot. Now if only I could bottle that up and sell it.

My furry companions

My dogs are my saviors, my peace, my passion, my life. As my partner is immune to what I wait for every day. That dreaded eye twitch. Be careful, because the slightest thing will set it off. Then we wait to see which direction it will go. Right side face paralysis, swollen eyes, throat. Or just eye pain, neck, and back pain even though they are constant every day, they just get worse when my dreaded sidekick enters stage right. Do you wanna hear all the other lovely items that come with the package? Na, cause if your reading this you know exactly what I am talking about.

More than a headache

But it’s just a headache, I’m told over and over as my partner stomps around the house cause I can do nothing now but shut the drapes, close the door grab my little chihuahua Elwood and climb back into bed. Because now there’s nothing but that dreaded ringing or radio that constantly plays in my ears. I’m the only one that hears it though. And the blackness of sliding into that deep, dark, nasty, and mind-bending out of despair because I’m so, so tired.

Alone

No friends, no going out and enjoying a drink, conversation, people, life itself. Unless you pack that good ole’ medicine bag. And that’s not even a guarantee that the meds will work and take the monster away. So I live alone, in my dark, little, dismal corner I have etched out called, MY LIFE. Welcome to it cause it f&cking sucks.

Unpredictable migraine

If only people could feel just for a minute or two of what consists of “just a headache.” But aww no, you're so wrong, it’s not just a headache. It is a destroyer of life, happiness, fun, peace. With no rhyme or reason to its madness. It just comes when it wants and stays maybe 12 or 24 hours. But it’s stayed with me 15 days one time. That was the end of it all I thought. And the funny thing is, I almost begged for it. I’m so, so tired. I want a life, even a smidge of one, maybe two days a week? That’s not too much to ask, is it?

Thoughts on treatment

Guys, if you read that, you know all about it. I’m an expert at this game that I haven’t quite mastered completely yet. Even after 41 years. I have tried just about everything that is out there. Have had every cocktail they make. Shot in my butt cheek or intravenous. My liver is probably about gone because the triptans are a liver killer so be careful. Then don’t over-medicate it’ll get worse.

Hope for a cure

But I open up my knowledge and my shoulder to anyone that wants to learn more about the monster that haunts us. Creeping over our shoulders every waking and sleeping minute. Pray for us, pray that God gives people the understanding that we are not dealing with “just a headache.” It is a kind and life-altering disease that has changed our lives in a negative way. Hopefully in my lifetime, what’s left, they will find a cure and maybe just maybe I can get a few years of peace. Good luck everyone