Suicidal thoughts

Please help me. I've been in a migraine cycle for 2 months now in moderate to severe pain-depending on the day. I went through a 3 day outpatient DHE infusion protocol at Mayo hospital in Arizona but was not able to get the full treatment because my blood pressure went too high on day 1 and 2. My sister reminded me that our Mom had this same problem with infusions (not for migraines) and they had to slow down the rate the drip was infusing. I asked them to do this on day 3 and was able to get both treatments of DHE. However this did not break my migraine cycle. I contacted my headache specialist at Mayo hoping he would give me another day of infusions at a slower rate and I could get the full six doses of DHE that go with the three day protocol. I was totally flabbergasted and felt very dismissed when he told me to go to my primary care physician or the urgent care. Really??? A headache specialist telling me to go to my PCP or urgent care for an intractable migraine??? I'm devastated and have lost my trust and utmost respect I had in him. I've been counting my pain pills that I have left from neck surgery last year and my benzo's and how they can make a lethal cocktail. I can't keep going in this pain and being in bed for months at a time. This is not living. It's hardly existing. Please help me I need your support and pearls of wisdom

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