Support?

I am a 44 year old female with chronic migraine. They started when I was in 6th grade although I had car sickness before that. They became progressively worse as I got older. 9 years ago I lost my job of 12 years because of migraines.

Most days I push through my mandatory obligations with pain of 3-6. If it gets worse than that, I take my meds. That happens 4-5 days a week. I suffer from PTSD and depression. The worse my migraines get, the more depressed I get. I am “working” at getting disability.

The thing that bothers me most I think is that my mom constantly belittles my condition. Every time she talks about anyone else having migraines she will say, “but now they worked, every day of their life.” or “but she just kept working anyway.” Last week as she was picking some things up off the floor, she said, “I’ve never heard of anyone with migraines that didn’t bend over. Normal people bend. You have to bend to get things done.” This is in reference to my saying that bending over makes my migraines worse. The thing is, those things were in the floor not because I didn’t want to bend over but because I was trying to make the kids be responsible for picking up what they messed up but she just assumed. Her words make me feel as if she doesn’t believe my condition is as debilitating as I say. I have to depend on her to watch the kids when things happen so I can’t just tell her where to go. I would really like her support and understanding. I sent her the migraine visualization. Maybe that will open up her eyes.

Thankfully, I have friends and my ex get it and are very understanding and supportive. Another good point is that medicaid has started covering sumitriptan tablets every nine days so it is almost enough to get me through a month like that.

Ang

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Comments

View Comments (8)
  • Yuculta
    5 years ago

    Thank you for sharing. I sympathize with this situation… I got my migraines from my dad, yet we have argued over and over about what is actually wrong, what it will take to “cure” them, etc, etc. It is enormously frustrating not to get support and understanding from the very person that I got these migraines from, who suffered from them for years! He “tells me how it is”, argues with me, treats me like I don’t know anything about what I’ve been dealing with for almost half my life. I just don’t understand it. I have learned so much, and have a lot of information to pass on to him, but he just argues me with every time, and dismisses what I say. I try not to talk about it much with him anymore. Ugh. Frustrating. My mom is very supportive and understanding, though!

  • Nancy Harris Bonk moderator
    6 years ago

    Hi Ang44,

    Thank you for sharing your intimate story with us. I am so very sorry I haven’t responded to you until now, clearly you needed support. I hope I can provide that for you now. 🙂

    Our loved ones can be tough at times and as much as I don’t think they want us to be in pain, it’s difficult for them to understand migraine if they haven’t had one. Some may think that they are merely headaches, when the truth of the matter is that migraine is a neurological genetic disease. I hope that your mom understands and “gets” the migraine visualization from Kerrie, it is wonderful.

    As sad as it may be, if she continues to be negative and refuses to understand migraine, it may be best not to discuss it with her any longer. Some people have the capacity to understand and change, while others unfortunately do not.

    The other thing I wanted to mention was regarding medication overuse headache or moh. If we take certain migraine medications like sumatriptan and/or pain relievers, whether they are over-the-counter or by prescription, more than two to three days a week may create another problem called medication overuse headache. If we have moh, our migraines may be more difficult to treat and we can end up in a endless pain cycle. Let me share this information with you; https://migraine.com/blog/help-how-can-i-not-overuse-migraine-medications/.

    I hope this helps,

    Nancy

  • caradrouin
    6 years ago

    My mother belittled me for everything my entire life. When I was tiny, she shunned me and with held affection if I did not act right. It is very hard not to take everything she says seriously. She is your mom and you are conditioned to do so from toddlerhood. But you are grown up now. She’s good for childcare that’s almost free. Just don’t let her belittle you in front of the kids, for their sake. Your kids have to respect you to feel strong in themselves.

  • Anne
    6 years ago

    I have the same thing – PTSD and chronic migraine. I’m working with a neurologist right now to combat the chronic migraines. My dishes are stacked high in the sink and there are many days I can’t get out of bed, but it’s getting better. For me – medications in all areas is a godsend. Finding the right preventative medication for migraines and the right medication to treat the migraine right when it happens makes sure they don’t last as long. Find the right meds for PTSD helps as well. There is a solution for everything. Don’t give up hope. Migraines are very real but I found it’s up to me to treat them as a serious medical condition, because other people will never understand the overwhelming pain, fatigue, confusion, dizziness, nassau, tunnel vision, depression, loss of time, etc. that comes with them. A migraine is to a headache what a shark is to a goldfish.

  • Nancy Harris Bonk moderator
    6 years ago

    Hi Anne,

    Thank you so much for sharing you success with us. It’s nice to hear people getting better and staying the course!

    Nancy

  • naolstaylor
    6 years ago

    Ang, I’m in the same situation. Been on disability since Oct 2012. I have chronic migraines and chronic cluster headaches. To even get out of bed is an accomplishment some days not to mention even cleaning, cooking, etc. Many of us understand your situation. We are out here… Xoxoxo

  • Nancy Harris Bonk moderator
    6 years ago

    Hi naolstaylor,

    I find it’s about letting go of certain things, but seems to be an ongoing process. Sometimes life seems to be manageable with migraine, while other times not so much. When I’m in a particularly nasty migraine cycle things are much more difficult!

    Nancy

  • Janet
    6 years ago

    Ang,
    You are not alone. I’ve suffered since I was 10 yrs old. I’m now 57.

    My family is tired of the migraines…I hate that I wish they had just one of the worst I get, but I do.

    I stopped sending these amazing articles to my family that really illustrate from another suffers perspective what we go through…I never get feedback..not even from my husband. It’s depressing and a viscous cycle…pain..maybe a little less pain…like instead of a 10 our day might get to a 5 or if we’re lucky a 3 and maybe we get to leave the house….sometimes I fake until it is just impossible…then my husband says…is it that bad you have to go to bed??? Uh…yeah…over and over for years and years I’ve told him…the migraine is there everyday and it just depends if the monster will lay dormant enough for me to do something, anything…or another day locked I doors playing roulette with the drug choice for the day.

    You are not alone and you will find help here.

    Blessings
    Janet

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