When the Truth Smacks You in the Face
In recent weeks, I've been considering applying for disability due to my migraines. Around the middle of February, I had to leave a new job that I'd only been at for roughly a month because of the migraines. That makes four jobs, in total, that I've lost or had to give up due to this disease. When I started the job, I was extremely hopeful. A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, I had gotten the daith piercings and I was showing drastic improvement. I thought that I had FINALLY found the solution for me and I could regain some of my life, starting with a new job. Unfortunately, for me the daith piercings turned out to be a rather temporary measure. In the middle of February, the weather and temperatures in my area began to fluctuate drastically and my migraines were back in full force.
After missing much too much time at work, especially at such a new job, I reluctantly informed my boss that I would not be returning because it was clear that my disease had once again shattered any ability I had to be the reliable, hard working individual that I had been in my youth. In the month and a half since making that decision I have been wringing my hands in frustration and doing quite a bit of soul searching. I'm having to once again face the reality of my situation. I'm not the same person I used to be. The sad thing is, I use the phrase "in my youth" when I'm actually supposed to be in the prime of my life at 31 years old.
I had very specific goals and dreams for myself when I went from episodic to chronic migraines. I had grand plans of going back to school while working hard so that I could achieve my goals. But, unless a cure is found for this disease or I'm fortunate enough to find a treatment that will work long term, I'm not going to be able to do that.
I used to be able to power through and function through all except for the most severe of migraines. As time and this disease have worn on, I find that I have lost the ability to do that. I physically don't have the strength or ability to. Even when the headache itself isn't too painful, all of the other symptoms have gotten to the point that I just CAN'T. As I've come to this realization and find myself battling with the decision of whether I should apply for disability, I can feel the depression setting in. My usual, sunny, stubbornly optimistic outlook has fallen to the wayside as I now have to re-evaluate my life and where this road I'm on can take me.
When the truth of your existence smacks you in the face, it's not an easy obstacle to overcome.
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