Migraines Will Get You DOWN
When I say migraines will get you down I mean physically, down in a bed for days with no lights, food, or human contact. But, also emotionally down, down like you couldn't imagine. Everyday I struggle with some sort of headache, wether it be a migraine or what I like to call an "everyday headache".
I'm only 20 years old and I feel like I'm on the verge of 90. You would think having a headache every day would be enough to deal with, right? Well, no there's more. Companied with the headaches comes extreme neck/back pain, sensitivity to light/sound/smell, lack of sleep, decreased appetite, nausea, and when it's really bad vomiting until my ribs feel bruised. People ask me all the time, "Don't they have medicine for that?" "Do you see a doctor for your head?" "Well doesn't he know what causes them?". Yes, I've tried countless of medicines and been to countless of doctors. They all tell me the same thing, there is no explanation... you just have chronic migraines. And that sucks, big time. I've done every test that every doctor could give me and so many times I almost want to hear that something actually is wrong. Just so I could have a reason, a reason why my body/emotional state is being punished daily.
I tell my self all the time that I'm okay with my headaches because that's just part of who I am but partially I'm not okay with them at all. Only because they have taken so much from my life, my childhood even. I remember so many times as a kid I would be at a sleepover with friends, at the movies, or at a school function and I would be so sick to the point where I could barely hold back from puking every where. As much as I hated it I would call my mom, crying for her to come get me. But that was just the beginning when I was still a little bit younger and didn't know what was going on. Then as I got a little older the headaches stayed and even got worse. My junior year of high school I missed 32 days due to migraines. (By law in KY you can only miss 12) At the end of the year my school counselor told me that if I wasn't able to make it to school more often they weren't sure if they could keep me. After hearing that and discussing it over with my family we figured online schooling would be the best option. Ha, well little did we know that would be a complete joke. I wasted a few months with that and then realized there is no way I can teach myself geometry by staring at a computer screen. Which led me to where I am now... Trying to get my GED. Which I might add is extremely difficult. In 2014 they changed the GED test to college level material in most states. And that just absolutely makes no sense if you ask me. I've been trying for 6 months now to get my GED, going to classes 4 days a week, 3 hours a day and also keeping a job working 6-8 hours 5 days a week. (Which is stressful and stress leads to more migraines, yay) Anytime I tell someone I'm getting my GED I almost get embarrassed or ashamed and I guess I shouldn't but everyone, who doesn't know me personally, looks at me so differently because of that.
Its so incredibly difficult to stay positive anymore. I think all the time God, why me just why. Why am I going through this? Can't you make it stop? Haven't I been through enough? But then I just stop and think, there has to be a reason. This isn't happening because God likes to see me suffer, I know that is not true. I just pray that these monsteras migraines of mine can be used for the greater good. Eventually, one day everything will be okay. No matter how far they drag me down, I will always get back up again.
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