My Pain Was Also My Gift

I have tried and heard so many suggestions to stop getting migraines yet I can say I am in deep gratitude. What have I done to find a cure? What haven’t I done? I can remember as an 11-year-old, rolling my forehead against the cool window, not even realizing that I was suffering from headaches. It just felt soothing and was worse when I stopped. Back then I wasn’t being sick yet either and it was on both sides, so it was ‘just’ a headache.

Starting to experience nausea

At age 22 I had my first 3-day migraine where I was feeling sick despite having an empty stomach. I’ve been on the search for a cure since. I stopped triggers: Chocolate, Cheese, Alcohol, Hazelnuts (is it even a trigger, or am I imagining this?) cucumber-skin, cabbage, stress, feeling torn, guilt, lack of water (there was half an hour yesterday where I didn’t have water), computer screens, glary sun.....Maybe I just get migraines and it’s nothing to do with triggers? My mother used to get them but only twice a year, my daughter was hospitalized with abdominal migraine at the age of 8. I guess it’s just my genes. Yet I am grateful because my migraines that in a bad month hit me for 3-4 days a week sent me on a journey for true health.

Finding relief in yoga

I studied nutrition, sports, Yoga, Rebirthing and other therapeutic breath practices, Meditation, and Anthroposophy and you guessed it: The list goes on. I even tried a very beautiful shamanic medicine that deepened my understanding of life. I am a Yoga teacher and I love this ‘work’ if you can call it that. It’s effortless and rewarding. My migraines helped me develop the style that can on occasion help me heal myself and that is attracting people to come from miles away. I know I would’ve never ended up in this beautiful Yoga-Space I run, had my migraines not led me here. My pain was my gift and sometimes my migraines can be a great focus to meditate on. My mind at least is not so busy when it’s bursting, pulsating, and/or throbbing on both sides like a metal disk splitting it in half, pressing on my eyes.

Learning to be grateful

I am not feeling sorry for myself when I refuse the coffee in fear it might have hints of chocolate or turn away anything that might contain cocoa butter. It’s a tough lot not being able to have that Lindt Advent Calendar that I am gifted. Somehow nobody ever remembers that I really am allergic to chocolate. It’s okay, I get it, too unusual to remember. I smile and say thank you and think to myself: How much chocolate would I eat if I could have chocolate? You’d probably be able to roll me down a hill as I’d be eating it all day. I was a chocolate addict before discovering it to be my main trigger. So even for this, I am deep down grateful yet sometimes angry because I have to whatsapp my Yoga group yet again: Sorry another cloud has descended, I have to cancel class, AGAIN! So, now dear god(s), universe, higher self, hear me: I really am ready to heal, now. Thank you. Transform and transmute. So what shall I try next?

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