What's Your Secret: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Holly Harding

1 min read

Is my pain too severe to proceed with my plans? If I go ahead will I risk increasing my pain to the point of no return? What if I end up stranded, vomiting and having to go to the ER? If I stay home, will I regret doing so and find that my pain stabilized or decreased and I missed out on something important? Chronic migraineurs constantly have to decide whether or not to proceed with plans. Because migraine can be such a murky set of complex neurological symptoms, it can help to create a set of measurable signs to help us evaluate whether or not to stay or go.

How do you decide when to cancel plans?

Please share what you use to help you make the decision to stay or go so we can learn from one another.

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megalodon Member
I used to commute about 40 miles to work, second shift usually. It would be a tense hour drive and then the usual insanity of a 'good ol' boy' company. I'd get these reality mixing migraines, usually on days where there wasn't much going on. If I had one of these and I felt that I possibly could, I'd not go into work. Though there were a few days where I was so out of things, I couldn't use the speed dial to call the company. My family really stressed safety, especially when driving one to two tons of vehicle, so if I didn't feel that I could drive safely, I wouldn't go in.
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention user-id="3847613" username="megalodon"/> - There is kind of a mental walk-through of our day that, when we picture, can help us decide if we're in a healthy enough place to proceed. Can we imagine driving 40 miles? And sometimes our family helps make that choice for us when they are worried for our safety. Other times, we make the choice ourselves when we are incapable of even making a phone call. Thank you for sharing your process with the community. Stay in touch and glad you are with us!
luvmyfam22 Member
Thank you so much for sharing! I have had migraines for years and they have gotten worse over the last couple years; as have my accompanying symptoms. I am learning that "new" symptoms I am experiencing are brought on by my migraines. For instance, my aphasia has been a real source of angst, as well as tinnitus and rhinorrhea! I have learned more about paying attention to these and other signs as my pre- and during migraine symptoms that DO get worse when I have ignored them...not making the migraine connection. Thanks again for your thoughts!
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 So sorry to hear that your migraines have worsened over time. I'm assuming you're seeing a migraine specialist, but if not, it might be time to do so as these are the types of doctors best trained to help you navigate the evolving nature of the disease. <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/the-mrf-directory-of-headache-and-migraine-specialists' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/the-mrf-directory-of-headache-and-migraine-specialists/</a> . Aphasia is such a drag and a major challenge for many of us. <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/recognizing-my-own-aphasia' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/recognizing-my-own-aphasia/</a> Glad you're trying to become more conscientious about your symptoms in order to have them serve as a flag for you as early treatment can mean a more significant chance of stopping an attack in its tracks or decreasing the severity of an attack. <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/prodrome-migraine-warning-signs' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/prodrome-migraine-warning-signs/</a> Thanks so much for sharing!
copework Member
Victory won for myself during the past several months is to finally get less uncomfortable with choosing Not To Go. For years I've stayed in the main stream of involvement with my interests and participated in my husband's interests (dual interests). More and more, tireder and tireder, I'd go because I didn't look sick, wasn't diagnosed sick, Today I know I am not well; there is rarely an occasion anymore, for a dedicated date or time, that doesn't seem too much effort to go--shower, brush teeth, shampoo, a little make-up, finding something that fits I've gained 12 lbs this year, and not from sitting idly by. I am the "everything" in a caregiving role for my husband's dementia and keeping our homeplace up so that we don't have to come out of our wonderful natural environment. I too feared missing something or friends I care about; today my greater fear is not enjoying time our familiar home place and surrounding sounds and seasons. I have one day a week that is non-negotiable, my art class with the most amazing instructor, in which I overcome, to a great degree, the the wailing of my body.
1. Holly Harding Moderator & Contributor
 Hi copework - Thank you so much for sharing some of your journey with us. It sounds like you have been opening up to a place that you striving for acceptance. This is a beautiful and important part of the process of having migraine, in my opinion. <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/acceptance-not-resignation' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/acceptance-not-resignation/</a> . We can spend so much energy fighting the pain, denying its place in our life out of anger and frustration. If/when we let go of that fight, our energy can be much better spent on caring for ourselves and our loved ones (especially in cases like yours). We have a number of rich articles on the topic of acceptance that you might find of interest: <a href='https://migraine.com/?s=acceptance' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/?s=acceptance</a>. I love the way that you have prioritized your art class- something that nourishes you - and that you choose to pursue it, despite the comprehensive neurological disease that is Migraine. We have to become quite choosey in what we use our very spare energy upon - such that finding something that feeds us is a brilliant idea. Thank you for the inspiration and, again, for the share.