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Do You Ever Feel Like Giving Up?

I am 44 (45 in Nov) and have lived with migraines since I was about 11. At first they were just menstrual migraines, but around age 30 they started increasing in frequency. I was diagnosed with chronic migraines in 2007 and put on Topamax and Verapamil. it made things so much better - only approx 6-8 migraines per month! (sad that one would think of that as good LOL) fast forward to Feb 2012, I get a lovely kidney stone. I switched to a new neuro on the advice of a fellow migraineur this past April. The first thing she did was take me off of Topamax because they can cause kidney stones! I truly love her as my neuro, but now I am still in the process of finding the correct dose of Lamictal - currently up to 200mg twice a day along with my verapamil. I also use Relpax 40 mg (but can only get 6 per month due to insurance), Midrin and Fioricet. I was using Norco but I can't sleep on it and it was making me itchy. Off of the Topamax and until I got up to 200mg of Lamictol I was having daily migraines, now I have about 2-3 per week - unless a storm front/heat/or humidity comes along.

So I wake up this morning with a nice migraine and as I lay in bed I couldn't help but think "I wish I could just take my meds and lay here in my nice dark room and never go to work again." Of course being a single mom, I have to work. In fact my finances are a mess because I have had to take off quite a few times and have not always been paid for them. I worked for my company as a temp beginning June 2012 and was just hired as permanent in April 2013, so I don't have much sick time or vacation days yet. (none thru the temp agency) To top it off, I know my boss doesn't like me missing work like I do. So that makes me go to work when I prob shouldn't.

Sometimes I dream about giving it all up, taking my daughter and running away! There are very few people in my life that understand what I go through, my mom is def not one of them. Luckily my daughter is, she also gets migraines. I wish I could go somewhere where work is not a worry and I can enjoy my good days and not have to worry about missing things on bad days.

Is there anyone else that feels like this?

  1. Hi pooh2you,

    Absolutely! Wouldn't it be nice to find a spot where there is no migraine or pain. I think it's pretty normal to think things like this. Who wouldn't want to live pain free in stress-free environment? You've come to the right place, I bet there are lots more of us who think like this too.....

    I'm sorry you are having a rough time now. I wonder if you've ever seen a "true" migraine specialist rather than a neurologist? The thing is a migraine specialist is THE expert and board certified in headache medicine by the United Council of Neurological Subspecialties or UCNS. These doctors treat patients with migraine and headache disorders all day, every day, unlike neurologists who treat people with many different conditions such as MS, stroke, Parkinson's and epilepsy. We have information on how these doctors are different in this link; https://migraine.com/blog/how-are-migraine-specialists-different/ and if you want to look for one you can find that information here; https://migraine.com/blog/looking-for-a-migraine-specialist/.

    I hope this helps and if I find that place without pain, you'll be one of the first to know 😀

    Nancy

    1. pooh2you - Oh yes hon, and this month has been a doozey for wanting to just escape from everything... for me. And I spent a good portion of it on vacation! LOL.

      All I want in my life right now is peace and pain relief. Neither is likely to happen right away, so I keep plugging on. I think this is one of the nice things about meditation - I can use it to imagine myself in peaceful surroundings and loving times with my family. Have you ever tried that yet? Here Diana talks about her experience with these feelings: https://migraine.com/blog/meeting-myself-where-i-am-migraines-mindfulness/

      1. Heavens yes! There are days I just want to sleep until someone finds a cure, and there are days I wish someone would just cut the damned thing off. There are days it hurts so badly it is all I can do to keep breathing, when the noise of the air moving into and out of my lungs hurts, and I don't much care if I keep going. Going to work is excruciating, but my bosses don't get what it is I'm dealing with, and my position is such thatvi NEED to be there. Facing work when breathing hurts, moving hurts, and I can't think, I want to give up, just quit everything.
        But I have a kid that needs me.

        1. Yes, I do. Almost every morning I have to find a reason to get out of bed and I am lucky to have supportive hubby and sons. They are usually my reason to get moving.

          I live in a small mountain town with few migraine specialists and am so very happy that I've found this website. I started thinking I was crazy because of the thoughts I have but now realize others feel and think the same. Thank you!

          Just returned from visiting family and, of course, wasted time dealing with a migraine, fortunately only lasted 2 days. Was very grateful for that. The things that make me grateful now are so simple - a short migraine and a good night's sleep. Not what I envisioned when younger but that's ok.

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