I've suffered from migraines since, we think, I was pre-verbal. I have done really well academically despite missing ridiculous amounts of time from school... But, my social life has suffered hugely and I feel so alone. I fell out with my friendship group before leaving high school and when I got to university I struggled to make proper friends. I moved in with a couple of girls but then my migraines got very bad, and they completely didn't understand it (an experience I've had throughout my life). My migraines can go from 0-100 in the space of 45 minutes but they always felt I was lying when I cancelled last minute on plans, or didn't go to classes. Since uni, I've moved back in with my parents. I'm struggling to find a job, and I'm very isolated living with my parents.
I feel like my migraines sap all my energy to do difficult things like join a group or a class in order to meet people. It's easier to stay inside and not go through the stress, but I find that that leads me into a spiral of depression. I'm a really kind, happy, generous person. I feel like I have a lot to give in a friendship. But I've never found someone who makes the effort with me or sticks around.
I have a boyfriend who I've been with since we were young, and he gets the migraines and is kind about it. But I can feel myself relying on the relationship so much. When we argue, it feels like my world is falling apart because he is my emotional strength and it feels like if he goes, I'll just be abandoned and alone. I've even tried to make friends online, but it just feels like no one out there wants to make a genuine connection and it's all about sex.
I'm just feeling so isolated and helpless. Any advice, any thoughts?