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Pre-appointment jitters and sadness about how my headaches affect my husband

I've had bad headaches since a series of TBIs in 2016. Though I think I've healed completely from the TBIs the headaches still last triggered by stress and pressure changes mostly.

I have a neurologist appointment this Thursday and I'm really nervous and scared for it. My husband is going to come with me because I'm scared and also have trouble processing and understanding especially when stressed as I know I will be in the doctor's office.
The last neurologist I saw was in NYC in 2016/2017 and through she was really nice/I liked her she misdiagnosed me with a brain bleed. And didn't give me any treatment opinions for the headaches besides pain killers which I decline to take and appointments for multiple MRIs and with a brain surgeon. So I guess I don't have a hope for the neurologist offering me anything helpful.

Unfortunately I now live on a small island with limited services which makes getting treatment hard. For example, it took 6 months to get an appointment off island with a neurologist. I'd like to try manual therapy (I've heard good things about active release therapy) for my neck and sacrum because I think that might help but atlas there isn't anyone on this small island. I seems like all alternative therapies I've heard about are either off island and/or too expensive. Just discouraging...

Also, I really, really struggle with the negative affect my headaches have on my husband. I just feel so badly for him. He has to carry more than his share because I'm often in pain. It has lead to him often resenting me and getting short and easily annoyed with me when I'm in pain. And then I get frustrated with him because he is annoyed with me and I'm in pain and have trouble dealing.


  1. Hi Emiknott - Thanks for posting and sharing what you've been going through. I'm glad that you found our forums and were able to post. We have some information on post-traumatic headaches that may be a helpful read, which you can check out here: https://migraine.com/headache-types/post-traumatic-headaches. Hopefully your new neurologist will be able to help you get to the bottom of your headaches and figure out the underlying cause. It sounds like meeting with your first neurologist was pretty disappointing, but there's hope that this 2nd appointment could really work out 😀.


    If you are looking for some resources to prepare for your doctor's visit, here are some resources: https://migraine.com/getting-help/prepare-docto-visit and https://migraine.com/getting-help/six-tips-for-migraine-patients-at-your-doctor-appointment. If you need more resources, let us know, and we can see what we have!

    I also think it's understandable that your migraines are affecting your relationship. This is not entirely uncommon to hear. Chronic illness plays a big role in our life, and it can be difficult to manage our illness and the relationships we have with other people. Here are some of the articles we have related to migraine and relationships: https://migraine.com/living-migraine/divorce-excuse, https://migraine.com/living-migraine/marriage-disappointment-plans, and https://migraine.com/blog/tips-to-manage-impact-on-marriage. Check those articles out and see if any of them resonate with you.

    Keep us in the loop on how your appointment goes, or if any of these resources are helpful. We're here for you! - Cody (Team Member)

    1. Thank you so much Cody. Those are some really helpful articles to be sure. I really appreciate your comment. My appointment got rescheduled for a winter storm. My new appointment is April 27th but I am on the wait list so might be able to make an appointment earlier is someone else cancels/reschedules. I'm definitely relieved I don't have to deal with it this week and thankful for these articles when I do. The articles about relationships are helpful and a good reminder that other couples go through this. Thank you! Happy to have found this community and all your resources!


    2. You're most welcome! Happy to hear that they were helpful 😀. Fingers crossed that your appointment will be moved up soon, sometimes being on the waitlist can really help. You never know!


      I'm also glad to hear that the articles on relationships were helpful. I know it can feel very isolating sometimes, since not a lot of people talk about migraine in general...let alone how migraines affect their relationship. But it sure does! And there are ways to make the impact of migraine more manageable together as a couple, mainly through a lot of open and honest communication.

      In any event, so grateful you've decided to join us. Feel free to post or direct message any time. See you around the community,
      - Cody (Team Member)

  2. Hi @emiknott,
    I hope things go well at your appointment, and that you get both answers and relief. I wanted to share some articles that may be helpful to you in maximizing the time you have with the doctor:
    https://migraine.com/search?s=questions%20for%20neurologist
    You may find utility in many of the articles, but some highlights might be:
    How to Advocate For Yourself at the Doctors
    Five Questions With a Neurologist and Migraine Expert

    See how you feel with this doctor. We do have some resources to help you connect with a migraine specialist. Please keep in touch and let us know how it goes. Wishing you good news! -Warly, Donna (team member)

    1. Thank you so much Holly! Could you send the link for the article you mentioned? Sounds very helpful.

    2. Oh gosh, so sorry- here it is: https://migraine.com/blog/healthcare-providers-turn-to-for-help. Thanks for your patience and for following up. Please let us know if you have any questions related to this or anything else. Warmly- Holly -migraine.com team.

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