My worst migraines, I call the Skull Crushers. The ones where the pain feels like my skull is fractured/Fracturing, of course in the moment I am pretty sure it literally is! Also, in the moment, I come up with all kinds of ridiculous things... "My giant tumor that never shows up on CTs is finally showing itself!" ... "This is going to end with an aneurysm!" ... "Small alien, hatching in skull now..." Whatever fanciful reason I can concoct, I will. So I lost Tuesday to one of these extreme migraines. 16 hours of that business up in my head.
Yesterday, (Weds) was great, aside from the typical hangover effect. I was productive and feeling happy. Late last night (about 11:30), I felt the warning signs again. Pressure at the base of my skull, hearing my heartbeat in my ears, and unable to lay on a pillow because the back of my head couldn't take the 'pressure'. My First, is that I started having a sort of panic attack. I couldn't get enough air, I was SO scared that any minute it would go full steam. I ended up taking a Xanax to calm myself down. It relaxed not only my thoughts, my breathing, but also seemed to chill out everything else. I finally slept at 3am.
I realized, in the anxiety, that I was scared of a number of things... I was afraid of the pain I knew was imminent, I was scared of losing today to that pain, I was scared that I would have tell my family to count me out for another day, that I would have to miss a long awaited Dr appt... I had a list of how this was going to affect me, my family, my BF, etc... I have NEVER had this happen before.
Thanks for listening guys, and for being here.