Lessons Learned: Pushing Too Far To Avoid the Disappointment of Migraine
Let me be the first to say, on behalf of all those living with migraine, we need your support. Even when we turn our heads and murmur, "I'm okay!" Those of us who have lived this way for a while are used to just saying "I'm okay" and ignoring what we are dealing with inside.
Pushing beyond our limits
As the one who is suffering, I will still push myself beyond what I know I should because I feel like I have to keep going. I feel this way because I have these responsibilities weighing on my heart. So without fail, there is this giant glass wall that eventually shows itself. And let me tell you, when we hit this particular wall, we are down for the count, likely for a few days.
Simply put, we end up here from pushing ourselves too far or by trying to ignore the pain for far too long.
Why do we push ourselves so far?
We push ourselves because we have responsibilities, love other people, and have obligations. In many cases, we are not just someone with migraine disease. We are spouses, parents, employees, students, and various other titles. These titles put pressure on us to perform or to accomplish certain things. Those pressures are very real for us.
We feel we've failed our loved ones
More times than not, we know we failed you. Knowing that we failed to perform what we feel is good enough hurts us more than the actual physical pain we feel daily. There is simply no way to explain to someone the feeling you have when you miss somebody's birthday party or a graduation event.
The pain of migraine and missing out
I cannot express the times that I have sat on the floor and cried from a combination of the extreme pain from migraine and the knowledge that I failed to make it to some family event or occasion. I know they do not really understand why I cannot just ‘deal with it’ and come for a few hours. At the same time, I feel that I am partially to blame for this because there are those times I say nothing and just push through. I say that I am okay even when I am most definitely not okay.
We're tired of being a disappointment
In my experience, there are so few people who care enough to look into my eyes and truly ask me if I am actually okay or not. This is why we end up ignoring how many spoons we have left and push ourselves beyond what we know our bodies can handle; we simply get tired of letting everybody down. We get tired of holding people back and being a disappointment.
We want to be okay
I can ask on behalf of every person with migraine that you try to see how much we want to be able to do everything. We want to be able to live a normal life and function like a normal person.
We need to know we're loved
We mourn over the life that we have missed out on and will continue to miss out on. We cannot help but feel the emptiness that comes with chronic pain conditions, especially those of us who are in pain daily. There is this life we had pictured and then there is this struggle that we have received. At the end of the day, we need to know that you still love us, that you understand why we couldn't accomplish everything today, and ultimately that it is all going to be okay.
We need to know that you still love us unconditionally.
If you haven't already, be sure to read part one, Lessons Learned: Using the Spoon Theory to Prioritize My Health.
My dark room: