Shifting the Narrative: Reframing Limitations as Capabilities
Recently, a couple of my family members invited me to go on an international trip. I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity, but it didn't make sense for me to go because of my migraine condition. I was really proud of how I responded. My reaction illustrated how far I've come handling my life with migraine.
Migraine would be limiting
Years ago, I might've agreed to go on the trip out of feeling an internal pressure not to miss out, and undoubtedly I would've had a terrible time. A trip like that is alive with triggers – between plane travel, time change, and sleeping in a different place every night. I would've negatively impacted the vacation of my family by slowing them down.
Framing limitations as capabilities
Now, after so many decades of living with migraine, I'm finally able to better speak up for myself and articulate what my capabilities are without apology. I was able to explain with clarity that I would not be attending and that that sort of vacation would not work for me because of having chronic migraine. I knew it would leave me depleted and ill rather than energized or rested. I felt no guilt in stating this and no judgment toward myself. It feels good to shift the narrative and see what I previously saw as limitations related to migraine as capabilities. I know there are other types of trips I can successfully take that involve going to one location, exploring, and having plenty of time to rest and relax.
Knowing our boundaries
Migraine takes a lot out of us. The severe pain and neurological symptoms, including nausea, vomiting, brain fog, aphasia, among so many other symptoms (not to mention side effects of necessary medications), are both confronting and draining and can result in a lack of sleep. Ultimately, we have a finite amount of energy, and choosing how we spend that energy is an empowering thing to do. Letting go of worrying about what others think can be such a healthy step, especially when it means conserving that precious energy and applying it toward self-care instead.
Releasing judgment
We migraineurs frequently battle with an internal narrative surrounding guilt for a condition that is not our fault. We feel we must justify our need for self-care (rest and quiet). In reality, releasing fear of judgment from others and the judgment we so often apply to ourselves is not only freeing but is key. Importantly, we must consider the role that energy plays in migraine.
When we are exhausted or overextended, we are more vulnerable to being hit with a migraine attack. Therefore, if we are migraineurs, we must let ourselves off the hook when justifying our needs.
Set the table for compassion
It's helpful to set boundaries of what we can and can't do and let go of worry over what others will think of our choices and lifestyle. Being clear and unapologetic about what we can and can't do helps everyone involved. Doing so leaves less room for judgment and questions. And ultimately, we must make our own effort to care less about the opinions of others.
Conserving our finite energy
If we try to stand up for our needs and find ourselves in conflict, the healthiest thing to do might be simply walking the other way rather than engaging. Again, choosing the best way to spend what little energy we have and to be clear about what works for us can make us feel strong inside. Doing so can mean giving compassion to ourselves. And others may just follow suit when we demonstrate this kind of clarity.
What have you learned about standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and reframing limitations as capabilities on behalf of yourself and your life with migraine? Have you found ways to protect that finite energy despite all the demands we face? Share what you're learning in the comment section below so that we can learn along with you.
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