Do doctors listen?

Sorry so long. I am a 39 yr old female that has suffered with severe intractable migraines, chronic daily headaches, neck, and shoulder pain for years. Plus suffering with TMJ and now anxiety caused by the constant pain.

I have been to many neuros, chiropractors, I’ve tried physical therapy, I tried acupuncture. I’ve had X-rays, spinal tap, and I need a MRI, but I have bad claustrophobia issues and can’t get it those things and no one will “knock me out” to do one. I have been to doctors and specialists. I have taken every medicine under the sun, preventatives, pain meds, muscle relaxers, had botox, been hospitalized for severe intractable migraines for several days one time. Still, every day I have pain. I wake up with pain, the pain increases in the afternoon (if it waits that long, I’m lucky) and worsens until I lie down at night. Then it just gets so bothersome that I just want to numb it. I have bought many pillows that supports my neck, but none help. Yet the pain remains. My neck hurts a lot to the point I have trouble turning it at times. My shoulders also bother me but not as much as the head and neck pain does. I’m sick of it. I have all the migraine symptoms; there is the sensitivity to light and noise, nausea and vomiting, sensitivity to certain smells, and visual aura and nerve tingling.

My life is passing me by and has for years now, I am constantly telling my kids to please be quiet I have a migraine, or cancelling plans with friends and family cause I have a migraine, it is depressing and frustrating. My kids have grown up on me before my eyes due to me missing so much in their lives because of these things. I can’t get back all the years I missed with them, now they are nearly grown, 17 and 13 and still hear me say to be quiet and I’m always apologizing to them for my pain. Not to mention there are those that have a hard time believing I hurt like I do. I’m tired of being told that there is nothing wrong with me or that there is nothing doctors can do. I have pain every day, and I’m too young for this, and especially was when it all started. I hate taking medications, especially since they usually don’t help and the side effects are horrible.

Why continue on something that does no good? And the cost of this “disease” has been sad, not just money wise, but also the time I have missed with my babies and friends. I am now seeing a doctor that doesn’t appear to hear me, I’m out of options here. He is in and out of the room so quick you don’t have time to ask him anything, all he has done since I started seeing him in May or June is give me many, many steroid shots in my neck and shoulders, and wrote me a prescription for 5, yes 5 oxycodone, they made me sick and I couldn’t take them. Then he wrote me a script for 5, yes 5 again, Demerol.

He has ran a test here and there but nothing else. I do have an MRI scheduled with him in October, long wait due to the fact he does them at his office. But I don’t know how I will ever get in a MRI machine, they can’t even get that thing they put over your face on me, much less put me in something that feels like is sitting on my face, silly I know but I hate anything in my face. He is going to give me 2 (2mg) xanax before the MRI, but I have taken xanax before an MRI before and still couldn’t do it. I know I need it but can’t get past the fear of those things. I hate to be put to sleep but I really will have to be or I will never make it thru the MRI. I just wish a doctor would listen to ME! This is not “all in my head”, I’m not depressed, and all the other things they come up with. Well, I maybe depressed now from dealing with the pain all these years, but I sure wasn’t depressed before it all started. Heck I was a kid then, trying to enjoy life. They like to blame depression on everything if they cant find a physical thing wrong and I am so tired of it! If they don’t see it with their own eyes, it just aint so, or so they think.

I know doctors have a tough job, I have no doubt about that, but they chose that profession! They need to be a little more compassionate and understanding. I also realize drug addicts and such have ruined it for me and others that hurt like me, its a vicious cycle trying to get help. I’m out of options, does anyone else have any suggestions as how to get through an MRI, and please dont tell me to just try and do it, I already know I need it, just can not stand closed in places. Some people have fear of heights, snakes, spiders, etc. My fear is being closed in. Not something I can just stop. Anyways, thank you for reading my vent. I could go on and on but it has taken me 2 days just to finish this, as sitting at the computer doesn’t help my pain. Have a blessed day yall. Martha Duke

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