In Search Of Peace Of Mind

I am, right now trying to evaluate the very nature of my being. My mortality is constantly being called into question on a daily basis. I suffer more than ever with migraines which have increased with age to become a daily occurrence. The difference with migraines compared to pain in other areas of the body is this, when the pain is in your head, it affects the way you think and how you feel. The pain is like a prison. I wish I could just take pain killers and be able to enjoy living. The honest truth is this, every waking moment when migraine is happening is time spent without enjoyment. Much of my life is spent beneath a storm cloud. The days which I am spared the pain are few and far between. I have no control.

I am trying CBD at the moment. The first two days were migraine free but on the third day I developed a migraine mid-afternoon which lasted till the next morning. I decided to up my dose of CBD and see if it does the trick or at least provide a little relief. So far I a feeling “OK”. I know the migraine is there yet it is under control, for now.

What does it mean when the only thing I think about is my migraines? I am desperate to find an escape from my current state. You see, when the pain is in your head, it is always there and there is no escape. I am willing to try anything right now.

You may wonder how do migraines affect my daily life? It is very simple, I find it difficult to feel joyful, happy, excited and general wellbeing. I don’t smile very much and find it increasingly difficult to get inspired and be creative. I will even have a strong drink in order to feel some freedom before playing my guitar. Music along with photography is one of my passions. If I can’t get excited about that then what is the point. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a creative rut. This is a fundamental change that has been growing along with the frequency of my migraine attacks. We are on day 126 of 2019 and to date I have had 98 migraines. I think that falls into “chronic” territory.

I have always been in search of peace of mind, the mechanics of the mind have always fascinated me. I try to be meditative but this is without question harder when ones head hurts. What can I do to bring about peace of mind?.

Everything is a challenge when I have a migraine, which is most of the time these days. Just to feel basic enjoyment is a challenge. I feel that I am becoming a miserable person as a result of my condition. Not only do I need to deal with the paint but I also require some help to to feel good again.

Writing this is a form of escape, I hope that others like me will one day find the correct medication and be able to live life as it was intended.

Feel good

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