In Search Of Peace Of Mind

By migraine123

2 min read

I am, right now trying to evaluate the very nature of my being. My mortality is constantly being called into question on a daily basis. I suffer more than ever with migraines which have increased with age to become a daily occurrence. The difference with migraines compared to pain in other areas of the body is this, when the pain is in your head, it affects the way you think and how you feel. The pain is like a prison. I wish I could just take pain killers and be able to enjoy living. The honest truth is this, every waking moment when migraine is happening is time spent without enjoyment. Much of my life is spent beneath a storm cloud. The days which I am spared the pain are few and far between. I have no control.

I am trying CBD at the moment. The first two days were migraine free but on the third day I developed a migraine mid-afternoon which lasted till the next morning. I decided to up my dose of CBD and see if it does the trick or at least provide a little relief. So far I a feeling “OK”. I know the migraine is there yet it is under control, for now.

What does it mean when the only thing I think about is my migraines? I am desperate to find an escape from my current state. You see, when the pain is in your head, it is always there and there is no escape. I am willing to try anything right now.

You may wonder how do migraines affect my daily life? It is very simple, I find it difficult to feel joyful, happy, excited and general wellbeing. I don’t smile very much and find it increasingly difficult to get inspired and be creative. I will even have a strong drink in order to feel some freedom before playing my guitar. Music along with photography is one of my passions. If I can’t get excited about that then what is the point. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a creative rut. This is a fundamental change that has been growing along with the frequency of my migraine attacks. We are on day 126 of 2019 and to date I have had 98 migraines. I think that falls into “chronic” territory.

I have always been in search of peace of mind, the mechanics of the mind have always fascinated me. I try to be meditative but this is without question harder when ones head hurts. What can I do to bring about peace of mind?.

Everything is a challenge when I have a migraine, which is most of the time these days. Just to feel basic enjoyment is a challenge. I feel that I am becoming a miserable person as a result of my condition. Not only do I need to deal with the paint but I also require some help to to feel good again.

Writing this is a form of escape, I hope that others like me will one day find the correct medication and be able to live life as it was intended.

Feel good
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Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator
Hi migraine123, Thank you for sharing those heartfelt thoughts with us. I know a number of people who use writing to help deal with chronic illness, I'm glad it helps. Having any chronic illness is not easy, and can also be isolating and frustrating. I did want to mention we're here for you - you're not alone!! That's a lot of migraine attacks - I'm so sorry you are going through that. By any chance have you been to see a doctor who is a true expert in treating migraine and headache disease? These experts are not always neurologists, and not all neurologists are headache experts; there is additional certification in headache medicine, which is different than being certified in neurology. I'm currently seeing my 5th true expert and am making a bit of progress. There are only 530 of these true experts in the US, so you may have to travel to see one. I can tell you it's well worth the travel time and expense. Let me share these articles on how you can find one of these doctor and how they are different; <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/looking-for-a-migraine-specialist/' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/looking-for-a-migraine-specialist/</a> and <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/seeing-a-board-certified-headache-specialist/' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/seeing-a-board-certified-headache-specialist/</a>. I hope that helps! Let me know what you think! Nancy
DonnaFA Member
Hi <inline-mention user-id="3681358" username="migraine123"/> . Thanks for sharing your musings with us. I'm sorry that you're finding your migraines increasing with age, I'm afraid I have a seat in the boat right next to you. I meditate as well, and thought that I would share Insight Timer. It is a free app with over 1200 meditations and new ones every day. They have several meditations dedicated to dealing with pain, and several dealing specifically with migraine. They incorporate isochronic tones and they do help me quite a bit. I know we all react differently, but I thought it might be worth a try. You mentioned that you have lost interest things about which you have been passionate, and it seems a general feeling of dysphoria. <a href="https://migraine.com/migraine-and-mental-health/major-depressive-disorder-mdd/">Depression is often comorbid with migraine.</a> The NCBI asserts that <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3810321/" rel="nofollow"> we are between 1.8 and 5.3 times more likely to develop depression.</a> I wonder if you have talked to your doctor about your symptoms, as he/she may be able to provide some relief. Please know that you're not alone...not in any of it. We're always here to listen, and to share support. I wish you a gentle night, some relief, and the return of your joy. -Warmly, Donna (Migraine.com team)
1. migraine123 Member
 thank you for replying, it means a lot to me that I am not alone in my suffering. The site, <a href='http://Migraine.com' target='_blank'>Migraine.com</a> is has an amazing community and I am glad to be a part of it. Peace to everyone
jean Member
Migraine doesn't just make pain plus other nasties, it skews the thinking process. My journey has gone from very episodic, to more often, to chronic, now to chronic silent with episodic mild to moderate attacks. The chronic silent is very strange. Courage.
1. migraine123 Member
 Hi Luna, it is a strange roller-coaster for sure. Can you explain what you mean when you say "chronic silent"? feel good
2. jean Member
 ...some migraine sufferers experience a type of migraine that has many migraine symptoms, yet the head pain is absent. <a href='http://migraine.com/migraine-types/silent-migraine/' target='_blank'>migraine.com/migraine-types/silent-migraine/</a> Sometimes I have mild to moderate head pain. It's not always easy to recognize a migraine attack when there is no head pain. It can be very scary until I realize what is going on.
glassmind Member
Thank you for sharing. I can understand. Migraine has pushed me to the brink of suicideation more than once. It is great that you can tap into music, photography, and art. Please continue to reach out and speak up. Just in sharing your experience here, so openly and honestly, you help create a welcoming and supportive community. You are in good company. There are some here who have had Migraine every single day for years. In the past 90 days 46 of those I lost to being bedridden or at the emergency room with migraine. Finding peace of mind is difficult for anyone. It can be even more ellusive when your mind is ill at ease. I try to remember and hold onto the moments of zen as I can. And I specifically have my friends and family remind me of good times and beautiful things both when having a migraine and when sufferring morbid depression. Please share you concerns with your healthcare team and solicit others to help you remember peace even when it is obscured. And please continue your music, photography, writing, and contributions here as you are able. Wishing you as much pain-free and peaceful moments as possible.

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