I’ve had migraines since I was 15 (I’m 41 now). They gradually got worse and about three years ago, turned into a chronic daily headache. I finally got to see a headache neurologist about three months ago, and he’s gotten me to look carefully at my triggers and to learn how to avoid them. But this has led to a big problem – I now lay down almost all day on the couch laying perfectly still so my head pain pain (half from my neck, half classic migraine) will not increase. But this leaves me housebound, weak, unable to sleep properly at night, and reduces the quality time I spend with my husband and two teenage children. Plus, I used to take care of all matters of the house and medical treatments for my family, and I’ve not really been able to do as good of job with that as I used to. I Also have bipolar disorder, and last week I told my psychiatrist I didn’t have a purpose in life anymore and my declining activities (I also rarely drive because of my medications) are making me feel useless and lazy. Of course, he promptly increased my medications, sigh.
My husband is a good man and treats me kindly 95% of the time. But that othe 5%, he gets angry that I’m sick and on the couch and can say hurtful things to me.
I mean, I don’t mean to ruin everyone’s life and drag them down with my illness and pain, but I’ve had periods of such high pain for so long that, once, I felt suicidal. And that’s not me, I hate feeling like that because I have a family I love so much. But I dispair that I can’t do things with them like I used to do. And the bottom line is I can’t help it when I have intolerable pain.
Does anyone else feel like this? How do you cope and find happiness in these limitations? Ive fought for so many years for better treatment, and now I have a headache neurologist, but the treatment procedure escalation schedule is slow – I see him every three weeks and try something new. I know that’s fast for migraine treatment, but I’m terribly impatient and anxious when I’m in pain and I just want it to stop so I think the dr is going too slow!
Thanks for listening,