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Living with Migraine

Partner leaves me to look after the kids when I'm having an attack

  • By Pinkellie

    hi, all. New to this site and I’ve found some great info on here. I’ve just had a horrible day and not for the first time because my self employed parter won’t take a day off work to look after our kids 8months and 3 when I have an attack. I’ve tried to explain but he dosent seem to get it that I absolutely have to go and sleep in a dark quiet room on my own. By the time the attack has started I can barely put a sentence together, and I don’t really think I should have to beg him, surely he should know that if I’m hiding under the duvet and communicating in grunts I’m in a bad way.

    I don’t have any family nearby, luckily today I got a friend to come over in the afternoon and take the kids outside while I slept but this morning, I was just passed out, the baby could have got into anything, then I passed out again feeding her and woke to find my son had soiled himself some time ago and was sat in his own mess.

    I just find it impossible to assert myself when I’m having an attack, especially as I know he would make a huge fuss if he had to cancel jobs, and I just can’t deal with that when I’ve got a migraine.

    Has anybody else got through to their partner how utterly debilitating it is to be left caring for kids when you can’t care for yourself?

  • By Carolyn

    We don’t have kids, but we do have pets (one of which is a super active puppy). I think it registered a lot more with my boyfriend when I explained that just getting up, bending over to clean up a mess, and then sitting back down (x50000 times per hour) kept me in pain and unable to do much for MUCH longer than if I could have just sat still for even a half hour before trying to deal with anything else. He was also surprised to learn about the vision changes that come with migraines, and now definitely understands why I don’t feel comfortable driving during them. In our case, sharing my specific concerns and issues helped him see why some things are just too much during a migraine.

    I’m sure you’ve done that, but maybe try repeating it another time, or 2, or 10. =) You’re right, you shouldn’t have to beg him, but you may have to sound like a broken record. I think exactly the same thing a lot (“Surely he knows, he can tell”) and then it turns out he’s got no clue until I actually say it, maybe several times. I can definitely sympathize with the overwhelming frustration, and I can imagine it’s much, much harder with kids.

    You’ve got this, Pinkellie! =)