My worst migraines, I call the Skull Crushers. The ones where the pain feels like my skull is fractured/Fracturing, of course in the moment I am pretty sure it literally is! Also, in the moment, I come up with all kinds of ridiculous things… “My giant tumor that never shows up on CTs is finally showing itself!” … “This is going to end with an aneurysm!” … “Small alien, hatching in skull now…” Whatever fanciful reason I can concoct, I will. So I lost Tuesday to one of these extreme migraines. 16 hours of that business up in my head.
Yesterday, (Weds) was great, aside from the typical hangover effect. I was productive and feeling happy. Late last night (about 11:30), I felt the warning signs again. Pressure at the base of my skull, hearing my heartbeat in my ears, and unable to lay on a pillow because the back of my head couldn’t take the ‘pressure’. My First, is that I started having a sort of panic attack. I couldn’t get enough air, I was SO scared that any minute it would go full steam. I ended up taking a Xanax to calm myself down. It relaxed not only my thoughts, my breathing, but also seemed to chill out everything else. I finally slept at 3am.
I realized, in the anxiety, that I was scared of a number of things… I was afraid of the pain I knew was imminent, I was scared of losing today to that pain, I was scared that I would have tell my family to count me out for another day, that I would have to miss a long awaited Dr appt… I had a list of how this was going to affect me, my family, my BF, etc… I have NEVER had this happen before.
Thanks for listening guys, and for being here.