Migraines are better, but SIL doesn't want me to babysit
Long story short, I was "restructured" out of my job because of migraines. And I'm at retirement age so just threw in the towel. I have been using magnesium patches, a patch called Vivarin, and I have time to take better care of myself, not having work stress has helped 100 percent. I get one here or there but usually weather or bright light or sun related (I'm photophobic, but found purple glasses really help). Motion sickness is still bad, but not as much. Daughter and SIL are planning to have a family, I have been lined up as the full time babysiter since they even talked about having kids years ago. Now all the sudden, because I didn't visit my SILs cat yesterday...my daughter said they are really worried about my reliability as a sitter. Even my husband said that was BS as even if I did have a dibilitating migraine (or the flu, etc. for that matter), he can step in. Hubby and I worked opposite shifts when our kids were little. He is great with babies, tots, you name it. I married him because he loved kids, so he's my back-up. The way my daughter talked to me about it was like I was mentally challenged anymore so they were worried about me and I'd have to show up every day, and they are worried I won't (get this) because I don't visit their cat everyday. The damn cat is so neurotic it won't even let me hold it. (Poor thing is a rescue). So basically if I'm there, I end up cleaning or bringing a book. And, I did plan to spend a year just "relaxing" as I know babysitting will be back to a full time job. So visiting a cat isn't really on the top of my to do list right now. However, it was my dream to raise my grandchildren (sorry if that seems pitiful to some people, but the chance to influence another human, see them grow into fine adults, its my passion). We have four grown adult children and are a close family. We are not perfect, but I know the priviledge of caring for a baby, toddler and on up, and I love being there for them as my parents were never there for me, so I know how it feels. I probably overcompensate in that area. We agreed it would work, but with their hesitancy. And now I feel "fired" all over again (sort of PTSD prone I am), and it's just not the same. Makes me nervous, like they have no confidence in me. And it's what I planned my retirement around...and was so looking forward to it, it took the wind out of the sails that's for sure. AITA for feeling this way?
Hi
Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm happy to hear you are seeing fewer attacks since being retired. Stress can certainly trigger a nasty attack and an entire host of unpleasant other things.
I don't think its pitiful at all to want to be closely involved with your grandchildren. If I'm lucky enough to have them I'm firmly in your court. It will be wonderful to see them grow up and be an important part of their lives.
I hear how difficult family relationships can be and I'm sorry your daughter and SIL are hesitant now about you babysitting now after not visiting the cat. This doesn't sound fair at all and I wonder if you and your husband would be able to have a conversation to discuss their hesitancy/expectations? This way you can reassure them you will be there for your grandchild. On a side note, I know there are people who consider pets their children and to each their own. I'm not sure how they would correlate you not visiting their cat the same thing as babysitting your grandchild. I don't believe you are the a$$ in this case at all.
I look forward to hearing how this all pans out and hope you have a good day, Nancy Harris Bonk, team memberThank you Nancy! Oh I needed that reassurance. I have a feeling too that in his family the fathers did not do any childcare, so the SIL can't imagine my husband changing a diaper, which has done better than me at times LOL. And thank you for reminding me that pets are some peoples children, and...they could have alot of anxiety in general about having a baby. They are both "planners" and Type A people, so I get it. I think a reasurring conversation is in order. And...my SIL just lost his grandmother, and was visiting with his mother, so...I think that might have something to do with this too. Bottom line, I want everyone to be happy, myself included, and a little conversation will go a long way. But yes, the migraines have subsided so much without having to go to work everyday, and I've been able to try alternate therapies since I can't afford the Botox anymore (and I still had migraines with Botox). THANK YOU again for the bolster I needed
!
You're very welcome. I know I find it easier to deal with things when I talk them out with those close to me.
Like you, I want my family to be happy and feel strongly open lines of communication are key. Having said that, it's not always easy to have these conversations.
Please keep me posted on how you make out! Nancy Harris Bonk, team member
It sounds like you and your daughter are around the same life stage as my parents and I. Just looking at this from the daughter's perspective, also looking at the possibility of a family/childcare/etc. ... it can easily make a worrying mind crazy! You (the future parent) want everything to be perfect and foolproof and sometimes aren't prepared to accept that it might not work out that way. It's tough and stressful, and there's no real way to answer those questions about what life will be like until you're there. (Can you tell this has been on my mind a lot???)
All this to say ... give it time. Give them time to figure things out; give yourself time to rest and enjoy your hard-earned retirement. If and when that grandbaby comes along, I can only hope they will continue to see the value of the love and care you and your husband want to give.
p.s. Definitely NTA. The cat, on the other hand.... 😉
Hugs to you! -Melissa, team member
THANK YOU. I just blurted out (nicely) that if they had worries about me sitting I understand if they want to get someone else. The answer was a hard NO (yeah!), but jokingly said the cat was a trial run and I failed there LOL. I told them well so be it...and we had a good laugh. It's just been a week. Then my son texted me "don't you get bored not having a job all day". It's like I can't catch a break and I'm trying not to take the comments personally. I will post in another forum that the Vivarin and Magnesium patches have really made a difference. Noticeably - not just the oh give it time. I noticed after about a week. Well Happy Friday and thanks for not letting me go crazy. Much love to all of you. -Lisa
Thank you for the update! I've been wondering if you had a chance to speak with your daughter and SIL. Good to hear things are working out.
More good news, thanks for sharing, about the Vici patch (I just looked it up) and magnesium are making a difference.
Hoping today is a low pain day, Nancy Harris Bonk, team member
BTW, the patches are "VICI" (Vivarin...omg not sure if they still make that stuff and where I pulled that out of, it has been a long week!).
you pulled it from your memory as that's what I see when I looked it up 😀 Have a restful weekend! Tracy (Team Member)
