Scary Migraine with Aura

Typing this sitting up in bed and feeling like a complete invalid, a failure at life, a caution to be around (who knows when one will strike) and a massive let down to myself in so many ways. Normally I wouldn't cave in, I wouldn't be forced to take to my bed, I fought it for 4 whole hours of numbness, blurred vision, zigzag vision and then the throbbing, banging all encompassing PAIN! Always coupled with the real fear I might become numb again or see double again - give me the pain over that ANY DAY! That's like having a stroke - scared typing this as it MIGHT COME BACK - welcome to my world of 40yrs (I just turned 55) of migraine hell - with little to zero help, understanding or support..pain killers will never kill migraine. The aura killers only come maybe 2 out of 10 migraines but they are terrifying enough to implant the sort of fear that you could just die at any second. I'm so tired of reading stories about people telling me to 'accept,' 'learn to live with,' 'find ways to cope' blah blah blah as if on this hideous migraine journey there's some sort of competition or CHOICE in who copes/deals with best - it's hell, plain and simple with no winners a n y w h e r e....

This half life blight is getting me down - I used to run a business - not any more - I used to work full time - Now I'm in penury in a rented flat the size of a shoe box wondering how I could find a way to get cash to get migraine surgery etc etc etc - as if.

Apologies if I sound angry - that's because I am - why isn't the medical research there for people like me, like us...WITHOUT it costing a fortune to see a neurologist?! WE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!

The pain has sub-sided and is now sitting nicely throbbing like an Alice band over the top of my head - I have shades on like JackieO even though it's dull and raining outside (hate British weather) and I have managed to eat a biscuit today...I know I'm moaning - I hate this, I hate the way it reduces me to a self pitying idiot. There are MUCH worse diseases out there and pediatric cancers and here am I feeling feeling sorry for myself - it's shameful, but today I feel weak, it's battered me - 24hrs of misery and fear and nausea and pain and migraine isolation.

Power to everyone on here who's life is affected by the confusion of migraine - the indiscriminate nature of this condition - the lack of understanding from fellow human beings - the fear it instills - the boss you may be too afraid to tell for fear of dismissal/lack of job offer - to every person who missed a flight - a school play - a planned day out - and many many more occasions stopped dead in their tracks, thanks to MIGRAINE!