The Thief and Compassion
Another day, another morning missed with my son. All because I had to actually feel emotions. Any strong emotion can take the next day away from me. Excitement, joy, sadness, crying. Forget it. If I cry... I know that I have sentenced myself to a migraine the next day. The meds don't touch the pain.
Parenting & living with chronic pain
My 7 year old son has learned that despite only having a mom, (single mother) that he may have to spend the majority of the day taking care of himself, and keeping his own company, all while staying as quiet as possible. He comes in the bedroom silently, like a ninja, and looks deep into my face. In the almost 8 years of being a single mother, I have been able to shield my own intense emotions around my son. I truly believe he deserves to grown up in home where he is safe and happy. This holds true. We discuss emotions and he is more balanced than most adults I know. However, no matter how hard I try, when the silent 7 year old concerned little boy comes into the dark room to peer at his mom. Not to wake me, not to complain, rather to make sure I'm okay. Migraines rob me of my way to hide my pain. He sees through it and kisses me on the forehead before he is off to entertain himself.
I've had migraines since I was 8 years old
I am 40. My family is supportive, but struggle to understand. When they have bad headaches I get the calls expressing empathy and sorrow as they had a taste of my daily life. They had been there every step of the way. Compassion and empathy. I can't complain about them. My son is a walking soul filled with compassion and empathy. When he leaves the dark room, I allow the tears to come briefly. They need to escape. Another day, another moment robbed. I am not the only one suffering. I'll drag myself out and try to be present on the couch. I cringe when I try to smile and I hold the side of my head as if it's going to fall off. When the tv suddenly gets loud, I'll pull my hair, the pain of hair pulling almost takes the edge of the migraine. Robbed.
Choosing hope & compassion
Migraines are thieves of time and moments. Despite all the downsides of migraines, and the years of suffering and pain- I've learned more compassion for others. I know we all are struggling with our own pain. I know what to expect and when to expect my migraines. I can call them out before they happen. My uncle has epilepsy. He doesn't know when he's about to lose moments of his life. Compassion. We listen to each other, and never downplay the others pain. I choose hope. I choose to also search for the lesson. But my heart breaks for my little boy. My heart breaks, yet swells with pride and love watching as he treats everyone in his path with compassion.
If migraines have done anything, given anything to me, ironic I know. Migraines helped me guide a little boy to see the good in the small moments, to treat everyone with care, and to cherish every single day or second that my head does not hurt.
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