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I can't do this anymore.

  • By absentminded

    I can’t do this anymore. Chronic migraine has worn me down, there isn’t anything left. My fiance says to keep my chin up, stay positive. I at 26, I lost my ability to have children and had a hysterectomy after years of chronic pelvic pain and now chronic migraine.

    I can’t do it. Nothing helps my head and I have no insurance. Trokendi was my only savior but it’s so expensive, I can’t afford it. Propranolol only helps me limp thru my days. I’ve started drinking but the pain caused by the alcohol is so severe, I had to stop.

    Smoking weed only helps so much and since money is so tight, I can’t just smoke weed all day, every hour to keep my pain in check. CBD oil helped but I required large amounts so again, too expensive.

    I was fired from my previous job with insurance because of my migraines. At 28, I can very firmly and confidently say, this is enough. If I’m going to wake up every day with my head screaming at me, severe brain fog, the inability to effectively communicate with other human beings, what is the God damn point? I mean, seriously.

    Life is not meant to be nothing but pain and agony. I know there is happiness and good health out in the universe but it wasn’t meant for me and if I can’t get the help I need, I’m not living my life like this anymore. My loved ones and myself don’t deserve to deal with the life shattering and altering condition that is chronic migraine.

    I honestly do not care if I’m perceived as selfish or whatever. In my short time on this Earth, I’ve experienced more than most people and I am done.

    Thank you for whom ever reads this. I don’t know what else to say except thank you and I hope you or anyone else you know was able to handle chronic migraine better than myself.

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  • By Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator

    Hi absentminded,

    I hope you are OK. From the sound of your post, you sound pretty depressed. We are here for you so you don’t have to feel alone with migraine. There are millions of us who struggle daily just like you. Even if no one else does, we get it and are here to support you. You are too valuable to lose.

    It’s true, this disease really messes with our emotions. One day we’re on top of the world and the next we can wish we were dead. I hope you are feeling better today. Please write back and let me know how you are doing today. If you prefer, you can always send a private message instead. I keep an eye on the messages that come in and will be looking for yours.

    Just in case you are still having a rough time and don’t feel like you can stay safe, please visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or give them a call at 800-273-8255. Someone will visit with us long as is needed for you to feel better. They will also help you find someone near you who can help in the future, too.

    Please let me know you are OK,
    Nancy

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  • By absentminded

    Thank you, Nancy. It’s been incredibly difficult these last several weeks and cluster migraines are just.. I can’t even describe.

    I’ve cut back on my drinking and smoking weed. It’s helped some but my mood is so low. I want to just give up. Without insurance, I’ll never get relief since I can’t afford anything that actually works for my head.

    I will certainly look into the link you sent for the suicide hotline. I’ve used it before and just ended up getting off the phone since I couldn’t articulate my feelings due to the cognitive dysfunction caused by my migraines.

    Thank you so much for those that replied. The loneliness and pain just become so overwhelming, I don’t know how to cope but it’s so reassuring seeing I’m not entirely alone.

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  • By Jojiieme

    I’ve just reregistered and seen this thread.
    I also hope that the pain and despair have eased, and you’ve found relief.
    Please write back when you can.

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  • By Galadhwen

    First time wandering through the forums, and I saw this… as others have said, please remember you are not alone. Call the hotline if you’re thinking about hurting yourself. Making that call doesn’t take the choice away from you–it just gets you a moment of support and perspective.

    And if on any given day the only thing that keeps you going is the thought of the pain your loved ones would feel if you left them–okay. You may feel like you’re just a burden and they’d get over it, but I doubt they’d agree. My wife always asks, “if I told you I was feeling/thinking what you just told me that you are feeling/thinking, what would you say to me?”

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