Zero Brain Fog

It’s the eighth standard. I am 13. I need to study for a class test for 25 marks the very next day. It is a five-page chapter in the biology textbook. I read the chapter within an hour and performed exceptionally well on the test the next day and got 25 out of 25.

Two decades later…

At that time, I didn’t know what happened that day. Now, I understand what must have happened that day. A once-in-a-blue-moon moment! I didn’t have brain fog during that hour. I was able to absorb the chapter like a sponge — all the words and phrases, the diagrams, the paragraphs, the headings, the sub-headings, the pages… I analysed everything in my head instantly.

This hardly ever happened all my school life. Brain fog kept me from understanding things that were considered quite simple by my peers. Even my tuition teachers used to be surprised as to why I couldn’t understand very simple things, unlike other students. They didn’t like me for this. Otherwise, I was likeable and they were inches away from liking the whole of me. All right, I am getting confused here.

Understanding my brain fog

I also understand now why so many of my peers were able to do all the time what I did during that hour. That’s the reason why they would study a few hours before the test and I would study for days and months. I had to focus on rote memorization which led many to believe that I am good at memorising. I had to force myself to memorise because I couldn’t do what I did during that once-in-a-blue-moon hour for the Biology test — something that other students were able to do. That’s why people found me different, even weird. It made sense for them to wonder why I studied all day long. It made sense for them to think that I lie about studying all the time, that I must be watching television or playing video games in my room, and that I must be thinking of things that teenage hormones must be making me think.

Being judged for my brain fog

After all the discussions on Hitesh and comments and judgments on his behaviour, no one tried to find out what was the matter with him. Instead, he was judged for an outcome of his sickness similar to the judgements of several other outcomes of his chronic illness. I don’t know what to say here. I don’t know if they could have done anything at all to help me in some way. But ridiculing a sick child to a grave extent all the time was definitely not the way to go. It was unexpected from the elders. Just wonder how easy it is to ruin a child’s life by misbehaving with him all his childhood. If the elders bully the child, what kind of bright future can the child expect? The funny thing is that the ridicule never stopped. I guess it never will. It has ended up becoming a data point for my poetry and prose. At least, I am able to make some use of it which is fantastic for me. Right? If I write about such things in my fiction books, then it’s coming from first-hand experience which makes it easier to write as I find making up things too difficult, so difficult that I struggle like hell. That’s why first-hand experiences are worth gems when it comes to writing fiction.

My migraine and brain fog treatment

It’s been nine days since I started with aged Shivambu and I found out that it is more potent than fresh Shivambu. My brain fog has gone down to a great extent. It’s crazy. I can’t believe the things I am able to do for hours each day. I got a new publishing agreement for a collection of poems. I read it and was able to grasp it immediately. Usually, I have to go through such documents multiple times till I grasp them.

The big change I see is that I am able to analyse my manuscripts unlike ever before. I am able to see the small scenes and analyse them if they make sense in the bigger picture of the book. I am able to analyse lines and sentences. It’s incredible. I find things easier to understand and analyse nowadays much more often than I could ever do. There’s no greater joy in life, I guess.

No more brain fog helps me enjoy life

I am able to analyse novels. Wow! This is certainly bringing me joy. I always fantasised that one day I would make sense of novels. Now, I can to some extent, I am able to relate scenes and other things from one novel to another and to movies and real life as well. All the learnings from other authors and teachers on the craft of writing are blowing across my mind when I am reading novels. Ooh! Yes, this and that technique are used too many times in the first part of the novel I am currently reading. Ain’t I glad to understand it? Oh, yeah! It feels mighty good.

I look at my environment and I capture things as usual but I am able to analyse a lot as well. I am able to come up with questions which people usually do with ease, something that I could never have done earlier. But now, with less brain fog for hours each day, I can think of things and analyse them as well. No wonder I find writing novels more fun and exciting now. It is becoming less of a chore and more of an adventure.

Where did my brain fog go?

Goddamn, brain fog! What happened to you? Why do you keep hiding from me? You seem to be vanishing every time (to an extent) I take a sip of aged Shivambu or apply it on my skin. I feel great when my symptoms go down. But I feel heavenly when you, dear Brain Fog, go down. You go down, I go up.

After experiencing close to zero brain fog for more than a week for hours each day, I began to understand what people around me must have found this symptom like in my case. Now, I understand why some teachers even braved the attempt of posing a question to me — what’s your problem? Everyone else understands the so-and-so concept I explained. But not you? What am I supposed to do with you?

Reflecting on my life with brain fog

That was what it was like for three decades until I chanced upon aged Shivambu. It’s clearing up my head, unlike anything I have ever encountered in my life. All the caffeine in the world couldn’t achieve even a minute fraction of what this has done for me. I am experimenting with it — keeping it in multiple containers. Wow! It’s an effort to keep track of them and make a note of the dates so I would understand how time is making it better and more effective. Why wouldn’t I spend a few minutes each day taking care of my medicines? Yes, it has become my go-to medicine, my personal cabinet full of wonders. I have so much to experience from this. It’s fascinating.

The aged Shivambu is making me write more and more. Now, the hard work will arise in making sure the insights are concise. Don’t want to repeat and bore you. I need to try out more poems. Otherwise, the prose is fine by me.

Please note: I wrote this a year ago in July 2022.